


The Preacher's Daughter

by Scorpio_Karma



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: All Human, Angst, Assumptions, F/M, Loss of Virginity, Teen Pregnancy, alternative universe, stereotyping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-07-14 19:23:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7186949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scorpio_Karma/pseuds/Scorpio_Karma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angela has one night where she's not the daughter of the minister and it's spent with Paul. See their journey from that one night and how they try to overcome assumptions made from what people have heard about them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Prayer Unanswered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Twilight and it characters are owned by one Stephanie Meyer. Not me, but I'm guessing you already knew that. This is just here to clear confusion amongst lawyers who don't know better.

“Let us bow our heads in prayer.” We all bowed our heads at my father’s cue and he began this morning’s prayer. “Dear heavenly father…”

His voice fades into the background as my thoughts take over. Right now I have far more important things to be worrying about than church and yet it was what was partially bothering me. Not only had I disappoint God, but also my father. I suppose God had already been disappointed before this point, but my father got to live in the bliss of ignorance. Well technically he still was in that bliss and technically it could stay that way seeming how I don’t know anything for certain.

That was my one last remaining hope. Most of my symptoms could easily be something else. The slight nausea when certain foods were around, increased tiredness, and the tender breast all could be anything ranging from the flu to PMS. Unfortunately if it were PMS my period wouldn’t be three weeks late, but again I could be having an irregular cycle this month. Many possibilities, but I think even in denial I couldn't ignore the obvious more probable one.

 _Please God, don’t let it be that._ I pleaded in my head as my father finished the prayer. _Please let it be something else. I’ll even take cancer over this._ “Amen.” We all said in unison and the choir director came up to the podium in my father’s place to start the hymns.

We all turned the page that had “A _mazing Grace_ ” in the book of hymns underneath every chair in the house. I really don’t know why any of us, myself included, bothered using the book for this hymn. She started with it every week and it was widely recognized, so we should all know the words to by now.

As we all sang the song everybody knew I thought about the very first time I heard it. I was standing right in the spot I was in today basically screaming the song. I hadn’t quite figured out what sing meant and simply thought it meant be loud. _It’s what everybody else was doing_ my three year-old self had reasoned and mother just ran with it. As long as I was happy and worshiping, she really didn’t care and I hadn’t gained the self-awareness to even be embarrassed. I miss that; the innocence and subsequently ignorance that came with being a child. It was care free and I didn’t care about anyone’s thought of me but my own.

I thought I was still this way, but my current, might be, maybe condition proves otherwise. I mean if I didn’t care on some level I obviously wouldn’t have gotten that far with someone I just met. Linda is finished with today’s hymns and we all sit down awaiting my father’s sermon.

I really wanted to ignore everything that’s going on in my head and just pretend nothing ever happened let alone there’s a possibility of something more, but my curiosity won’t let me. It’s something I really need the answer to especially if my hunch is correct. I won’t be able to ignore or even hide it for very long, so I might as well suck up my anxiety and deal with.

After church was over I told my parents I was going over to Jessica’s. Since this wasn’t a rare occurrence they didn’t question it, they only asked that I be home for Sunday dinner. I drove over to the only pharmacy in town and went right down the aisle I needed. I always found it kind of ironic that no matter which store you went to the pregnancy test were always located next to feminine hygiene products. It’s like they wanted to taunt you no matter what. It’s like saying _you probably should be buying me this month,_ whether you wanted a baby or not.

Usually I would never condone or ever steal, but since this is a small town where gossip can spread like wildfire, I simply took the pregnancy test that seemed like it’d give me the most accurate result and headed straight to the bathroom as inconspicuously as I could.

I made sure the bathroom was completely empty before I choose a stall to go in. It wasn’t surprising that there wasn’t anybody in the bathroom, there weren’t that many people here on Sundays. Once in the stall I sit down on the toilet and read the directions. They didn’t go in much detail beyond pee on stick and wait, but at this moment that seemed like the most difficult task.

The waiting for obvious reasons was excruciatingly long for only being three minutes and when it was finally time to look, that was even harder to even attempt. I knew my fate was probably already set no matter what, but this stick was the one thing between me and harsh reality known as the truth.

After finally seeing as much logic as a person in real denial could I finally plucked up the courage to look at the test. Despite having known what the results were going to be the word _pregnant_ in the little screen still manages to shock me to tears.

I spent all my time and energy preparing for this result, but never once thought about what to do after I got it which made me feel completely and utterly disoriented. I started to hyperventilate and my vision was becoming blotchy, but I didn’t have time for this. I need to get out of this bathroom, this store. I had to pull myself together and then find a better place to freak out, one where no one could find me.

Once I got myself composed enough and disposed of the test under multiple paper towels, I walked out of the pharmacy with no place in mind, only with the knowledge that I needed to go. I ended up just outside school and I decided to sit at one of the picnic tables with my face buried in my hands while I lamented on how I screwed my life up so badly.


	2. First

_A month and a half ago…._

We had had this trip to La Push planned for weeks and now the weather was finally reasonable enough for us to go, not that I really planned on going anywhere near the water. I was completely content taking pictures of my friends and the beautiful scenery. It was Mike, Jessica, Lauren, Eric and me in the group; Bella was invited to come, but it wasn’t surprising she passed; she was a little anti-social and didn’t really like crowds.

It was getting dark and we had compiled enough driftwood to start the fire when a group of locals approached us. I didn’t know any of them by name, but some seemed slightly familiar, which didn’t mean much considering how close La Push was to Forks. There were nine of them, six boys and three girls. Well I should say men and women, only three of them looked to be in their teens.

Mike went up to them first, he was kind of our unofficial ambassador, mainly because he was so friendly he was hard not to like. He had this charisma to him that made people flock to him, even me in sense, but I actually know how immature he can be so it kind of ruins all romantic prospects I ever had. Jessica is totally obsessed with him and her obviousness was only missed by Mike, the immature idiot.

“Hey, you guy got here just in time. We’re about to start the fire” The group had unreadable faces at Mike’s overfriendly demeanor.

The largest of the group responded. “You guys are trespassing on our land.” He had a very stern look on his face and we all were about to freak out when a smile broke out his face and he started to laugh. His group joined in, and they were all smiling.

His laughter died down enough to speak. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t keep that up. I’m Sam.” He held out his hand for Mike to shake, which he happily accepted.

“Mike. That’s Jessica, Lauren, Eric and Angela. I’d ask for the rest of you guys names, but I’m not sure we’d remember them all.”

Sam snorted at this. “Yeah well I’m not sure we’ll remember all of yours so I think we’re even.” Everyone joined in on the laughter after that. Mike then lit the driftwood and everyone watched the colors in awe. It never ceased to amaze me how it was beautiful to see every time. No amount of frequency seemed to dull its beauty. I took a picture for my own personal collection.

After that everything got a whole lot friendlier. The La Push residents invited more people from the area and everyone was enjoying the party that had formed. Someone had brought quite a lot of liquor, so everybody was in an even greater mood. I was uncharacteristically taking part in the drinking, but I was limiting myself. I wanted to be able to get sober by the end of the night.

I saw one of the guys from the group, I think he said his name was Paul, try to hit on Jessica. Under normal circumstances, it should have worked, but Jess was so desperate for Mike’s attention that she kind of blocked out any guy who wasn’t him.

He stood near me perplexed as to why Jess was paying no mind to him, obviously taking a hit to his ego.  “You’re not going to get very far with her.”

He jumped and looked at me wide eyed for a moment and then a smirk formed on his face. I’m pretty sure that smirk got him in many place, but here wasn’t one of them. “Why do you say that?”

“Well, A: I’ve known her since kindergarten and I know her type and you’re not it. And B: She’s completely hung up on Mike; the oblivious idiot over there talking to the girl who isn’t her. So I know she’ll probably spend the rest of night trying to get his focus on her. I imagine you won’t get more than an arm squeeze in hopes it’ll make him jealous.” I didn’t know why I was speaking to him; I usually kept quiet around strangers until I could get enough of a read on them and I definitely hadn’t had a read on him yet. I guess it was the alcohol.

He looked at me with a perplexed expression that mixed a little with appreciation. “Alright, so she’s a bust, what about your blond friend?”

“Lauren? Well if you hadn’t already been paying attention, you’d notice she had her eye on your friend over there with the short hair.” I pointed to the one in the group who was a little shorter than the rest of them, I think his name was Jared, but I couldn’t be sure.

Paul’s eyes widened as he realized who I was pointing to. “Jared? He’s very obviously taken.” He was referring to the girl who was attached at his hip all night, Kim I think.

“Exactly. She has daddy issues of some kind that only allow her to be attracted to taken men. I think she would have gone for your friend Sam, but his girlfriend, Leah?...” He nodded his head slightly to indicate I got her name right. “….seems like she could beat the crap out of her without blinking. So I think she chose to be wise in that front and leave them alone.”

Paul looked amused at my complete honesty about my friends. “So I guess that leaves you, what are my chances.”

My eyes widened a bit. No one had ever asked about me, curse of being the minister’s daughter. Most people assume that my father won’t let me out of the house and that I follow all the rules, so no one bothers. They’re true to an extent, but it’d be nice for someone to look at with a blank slate. Also in comparison to Jessica and Lauren, I seemed to look ultra conservative, which most guys don't look for. So, yeah, I wasn't really used to male attention, but I went with it anyways, what harm could it do. “Well haven’t you heard who I am? Your chances of scoring with me are slimmer than Mike finally noticing Jessica.” I taunted.

He smirked at my taunt. “No I haven’t heard who you are, should I have?”

“Only if you want to.” I smiled at him.

“I do, but I’d like it to come from the source.” He gave me a sexy smile that could make any girl melt.

“Well, it’s not much of anything, my dad just has job that seems to define anyone associated with him.” I heard the resentment in my voice which surprised me. Never before had I had an issue with my dad’s job or even what people assumed about me. I really never cared because I knew I was my own person and I didn’t need anyone but myself to know that. I needed to get off of that subject so I asked him, “So, what do they say about you? I imagine it’s about as accurate as what they say about me.”

That made him laugh a little. “Well considering I don’t know what they say about you, I don’t know if that’s a compliment or an insult.”

“Well I guess you’re going to have to take for what it is or form you own opinion.” I’m usually not this flirtatious, but today was an exception for many things. I noticed myself getting subconsciously closer to him. It made me nervous, so I took a discrete sip from my cup to distract myself.

“I think I choose option number two. Take a walk with me?” He gave me the sexiest look and I couldn’t help, but go wherever we went.

We ended up in a secluded area far from everyone else. The only thing that could be heard was our voices and the ocean. We were sitting on a piece of driftwood on the sand near where the beach met the forest. I had had a little more to drink at this point and I was talking a little more and faster than normal.

“….I sometimes worry about her, like I’m not being a good friend, but I can’t force her to want to do things outside of her of self. You know what I mean.” I had started delving into my concerns about Bella and could tell that he was bored. “Sorry, I’m boring you. What would you like to talk about?”

He gave a chuckle before responding. “It’s fine. I can tell you care very much about friends, but I’d like to get to know you a little more. You’ve just spent the last ten minutes talking about your friends. I’d like to know something about you. Tell me something I don’t know.”

“My dad’s a minister and-” He cut me off.

“I said _you_ , not your father. Tell me something about you and you only.” He had mischievous look in his eye as he spoke, but I felt I could talk to him nonetheless.

“I want to become a professional photographer someday. I know it's not practical, but who said dreams had to be.” I started with something easy, something anybody could discern from looking at me.

“Well that’s a start, but I could have guessed that from the camera you had with you earlier ad the thousands of pictures you took.” He sounded amused.

“I did not take thousands of pictures, it was more like hundreds.” He gave me a look. “Hey, I have to make sure the shots perfect.” I shoved his arm lightly and chuckled.

“Alright, I hope you got the _perfect shot._ ” He was leaning in close to me making it harder to think.

“So tell me something about you.” I tried to distance myself from him, but he leaned in closer in response.

“Not much to tell. I love food, beer and women. Not necessarily in that order.” He tone got huskier and his eyes were completely focused on me. Well parts of me.

“I’m sure there has to be more to you. Like what do you want to do when you grow up?”

He looked up from my chest and to my eyes and laughed. “I honestly don’t know. Survive, I guess.” We were staring into each others eyes and it was distracting. I wanted to know what could possibly make him feel like his only goal in life should be survival. But that's not what I asked. I could feel his gaze move from my eyes to my lips.

“Well if you could guarantee you’ll survive, what would you do then?” His proximity made it so hard to speak that I was whispering.

An uncertain look flickered on his face for a moment and then he went back to giving me this intense look before he kissed me. It was slow and gentle and not anything I would have guessed a guy like him would be like. Then his ministrations started to increase and he grabbed the back of my head and put his fingers through my ponytail. I felt his other hand move along my ribcage underneath my shirt and I let out a sigh of approval. His touch felt nice and I wanted more, so I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him closer to me. That was all the prompting he need before he removed his hand from my hair and pulled me into his lap so that I was straddling him. I let out a gasp of surprise at our position change. I had never been this intimate with someone, Eric and I had made out a lot while we were going out but never got to the on top of each other phase.

His tongue was delving into my mouth doing things that should be illegal, but it felt so good. I didn’t want him to stop, but then he did, only to reattach his mouth to neck. I let out a moan and then grinded down on him which made him let out a tiny noise of appreciation. His hands were creeping up my back underneath my shirt until the met the clasp of my bra. It wasn’t until he unhooked it that the reality of the situation hit me. I was about to have sex with a virtual stranger and the good girl inside me was screaming at me to stop, but the other, the one that only gets let out on really special occasions was egging me on. She was telling me to go with what I feel rather than what I think, to not overanalyze every little detail and just enjoy the moment. And so I did. I let him undress me and lay me over his jacket in the sand and take my body.

It hurt at first and it almost made me stop, but along with the pain was this pressure inside me that I really wanted to release and release I did. I think he knew it was my first time even though I didn’t offer up that information. He seemed to be struggling not to go faster, not to go harder until I encouraged him and he really got in to action. He spurred on giving me relentless pleasure that I had never felt before and for a moment I thought I loved him, but once we’d both reached our climatic highs and had had time to catch our breathing, I realized I just loved what he did to my body and it scared me.

The sound of him taking off the condom broke me out of my sated bliss and the gross realities of what we just did hit me. I just had sex with a guy I met two hours ago. I dated Eric for three months before we broke up and he didn’t even make it past second base. What the hell is wrong with me?

I started redressing myself quickly, but stopped when I realized I was freaking him out. I gave him a small reassuring (as reassuring as I could) smile and continued to put my clothes on at a slower pace. Once we were both readjusted and righted he spoke. “So, do you want to go back to your friends?”

I kind of didn’t, despite my mini-freak out earlier I kind of wanted to spend more time with him. Get to know him better so I didn’t feel so bad about myself, but I could tell he was itching to get away from me and it hurt. So I just bottled up my feelings and nodded my head and went with him back to the party.

No one really notice that we were gone except maybe his friends. They all had knowing looks on their face, but didn’t say or do anything about it, which I appreciated. I spent the rest of the evening with a sulking Jessica. Mike had still yet to notice her and was still chatting up one of the Native girls known as Emily. I didn’t mind her complaining as much as usual because it kept my mind off the fact that since we got back Paul hadn’t looked at me once. In fact he was trying to speak to Lauren who just kept ignoring him.

When I was home lying in my bed I vowed to myself to forget the events of this evening. It obviously didn’t mean much to him, so it shouldn’t much to me. I was just going to make sure that the next time I have sex it was going to be with someone I loved and not this debauchery of a night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the thing, I have this entire story planned out to the very end, but my updating is going to very irregular. I'm a person who's mind goes to a million things at once so organizing then in to coherence takes time. Plus I have a few other stories in progress so patience is the optimum word when dealing with me updating, but I promise this will be updated. I had wanted to wait until I had the story finished or almost until posting it, but my excitement about it got the best of me so bear with me in this process.


	3. Aimless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angela is having a hard time with the knowledge of her pregnancy.

_Present_

I sat on that picnic table for I don’t know how long, but the sun was about to set soon. I knew I need to get home soon, but I didn’t think I could pretend nothing was wrong yet. The beautiful pink hue of the sky that was so rarely seen was helping compose my mood a bit. I wish I had my camera with me then I could take a picture. The lighting was perfect from here and the trees only added to the beauty of the picture, but I guess that’s the thing; some things are meant to be experienced not documented.

I got up from the picnic table and was going to head to my car when I realized I had walked here and left it at the convenience store. Groaning because that was actually pretty far from where I was I started walking back.

My journey was filled with silence therefore, more room to think. I didn’t even know Paul’s last name, just a first name and a general idea of where he lived and that wasn’t even verified. We exchanged no contact information, so I virtually had no way of contact him about our _situation._ And moreover how am I going to take care of a… I couldn’t even think the word. That alone spoke volumes about my capabilities to handle this. I never thought I’d actually have to handle anything like this. I always thought when it did I’d be married, _sharing_ the last name of the father and excited to tell everyone my news. Now it’s just daunting. The idea of having to tell everyone I was just another small town statistic was frustrating, terrifying and heartbreaking all at the same time.

I was having another anxiety attack as I overthought all these things I was too numb to think about before. Moving my legs as fast I could, I walked through the street of houses to get to my car as fast as I could when I stopped at one I recognized. It belonged to the chief of police Charlie Swan and housed him and his daughter. The chief was also a small town statistic getting his girlfriend Renee Higginbotham pregnant right out of high school. And just like the statistic they subsequently got married and divorced within a two year period. Renee moved from Forks leaving Charlie and Bella and has since not been heard from. The impact of knowing this was very trivial up until this moment, but now I’m in danger of becoming them.

I rush to the door knocking on it loudly. I don’t know why I’m coming here, but it was too late because Bella was already opening the door. She stared at me with a very shocked look on her face and reasonably so. No one really ever comes to her house, mainly because she never invites anyone, but also because who wants to go to a person’s house when they very clearly would rather be alone. But right now I’m at a loss and need someone to vent to and despite all of her downfalls, she can be a good friend when need. “Can I come in?”

That snaps her out of her shock and nods her head while opening the door wider. When I step into the house I realize it’s really quiet. She must be the only one home. We walk upstairs to her room and she flops down on her bed waiting for me to say something. I really want to tell her everything, but I can’t even say some of the words in my head let alone out loud.

“I had sex!” I blurt out loudly and Bella just looks at me with wide eyes. I’m not quite sure why I said that but that seemed like as good a start as any.

“Okay.” She response in an unsure voice. I understand her easiness; we don’t usually talk about such intimate things. Mainly because up until this point neither of us had been that far with a boy, but otherwise we usually kept things like that to ourselves. It was more Jessica or Lauren's thing to talk about their sexual exploits, not me and definitely not her. We didn't need nor want our reputations raised like that.

I start to pace the length of her room. “It was a month and half ago. We had just met that night, I had been _drinking._ Dear god none of this would have happened had I just stayed sober. He was just so nice at first, but I'm still not quite sure why I did it. I guess I just wanted to be someone other than the ministers daughter for once and now I have some very real _consequences_ and I don’t even know how to get in contact with him besides going to the beach and hoping he shows up at point. Oh my god, what is wrong with me?” I flop down on the bed next to her. I'm pretty sure I said all of that in 30 second span, but Bella seemed to comprehend everything nonetheless because she was hugging me into her like a mother would a child. And I finally broke down and cried all the tears I had been bottling up since that night.

I cried for a good fifteen minutes before I was finally able to talk. I lifted my head from her shoulder and asked, “What am I going to do?” My voice was very gravely from crying.

“I don’t know.” After a ten second pause she spoke. “In all honesty, I was expecting this more from Jessica and then I would have been able to stay quiet the entire time because we both know she can have a conversation with herself. And then she would have left without me ever having to give input, but I’m not all that prepared to give actual advice on a subject I have zero experience in.” She sounded a little anxious herself. She was not one for socializing, avoided it when as best as she could.

Her answer made me chuckle a little bit. I knew I was least likely to get knocked up in high school and Jessica and Lauren surpassed my likelihood by a mile, but it's called probability for a reason; the unexpected can still always happen. I lay back on her mattress groaning. It felt good to have finally told someone, but I still didn’t have a plan.

“Have you seen a doctor yet?” Bella’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

I look over to her from my laying position. “Nope, I just took the test today. I guess the next step should be doctor, but I don’t know where to go. Well anywhere this won’t get out.” I was not looking forward to the day when everyone would know just by looking at me that I’d had sex. “Do you know anywhere?”

Bella gave me a sympathetic look and shook her head. “Sorry never needed a doctor somewhere where no one knew me, but I’m sure we can find one in Port Angeles?” she gave me an uncertain look.  

“What do you mean we? I’m the idiot who needs to find an inconspicuous way to get a checkup.”

She smiled at me with an amused smirk. “You didn’t think I’d let you go alone, did you?”

Like I said, good friend when you need her to be. I pulled myself back to a sitting position and smiled at her. “Thank you.” I let out a sigh of relief at least now I’m not completely alone. She just gave me a nod back as her response. Things were silent until she asked me the one question I hadn’t really thought about during this entire mess which made feel a little bit like an idiot since that should have been the first question I asked myself.

“Are going to keep it?” She was looking at me with an expectant face, as though I had the answer.

In all honesty, I don’t know if I want to keep it. I can’t really imagine not calling it _it_ and instead a person. I mean contrary to popular belief I’m not against abortion, but I can’t imagine making such a permeant decision. I guess some things are just so permanently ingrained in you that even when you’re okay with the idea you can’t personally go that route. At least if I keep _the pregnancy_ going I’ll have slightly more options and more wiggle room decision wise. But if I don’t get an abortion, I’m going to be _pregnant._ There's a lump in my throat at the thought and it forces me to swallow thickly. My body’s going to change drastically and my social life is probably going nonexistent. I mean who going to want to hang out with the pregnant chick. Well Bella obviously, but the rest, I know how shallow they are. But I guess in the long run they really don't matter because I always knew that they were temporary. That after high school we wouldn't really stay in touch except for occasionally. So how am I supposed to decide something so life changing with only a few hours of processing? The thought makes me groan in exasperation.

“Bella can we talk about that some other time. You know when I’ve had actual time to think about it. I haven’t really gotten past the _take the test_ part of my plan and even then I wasn’t quite prepared for the result I got.”

She gives me another sympathetic look and nods. “Of course, that can wait, but you know you’re going to have to make a decision soon?”

I let out a sigh of frustration. “Yeah, I know.” We sat in complete silence for about ten minutes when the abrupt sound of Chief Swan getting home interrupted it. It was then I realized just how long I had been out and how mad my parents were going to be mad that I missed dinner.

“Bella?” She turns her head to me. “Can you drive me to store?”

She looks at me in confusion. “Is your car not working?”

“No, it is. It’s just I left it there. When the test came out positive I kind of flipped out and just wandered out of the store in no particular direction.”

She gave an understanding look. “Yes I can drive you to your car, but not until after dinner. I need to take the lasagna out of the oven in fifteen minutes and I kind of would like to eat it while it's hot.”

“Of course, Bella. I don’t want to inconvenience you more than I already have.” Just then Charlie comes into her room.

“Hey kiddo-” He cuts off his sentence when he notices me. “Angela? What are you doing here?”

I give him a nervous smile as I prepare to answer, but before I can get a word out Bella answers for me. “She was in the neighborhood and decided to stop by and see how I was doing.”

He looked a little perplexed by her excuse, but didn’t question it. “Well that was nice of you Angela. Are you staying for dinner?”

“Yes she is and after I’m going to take her home.” Bella spoke for me again with a saccharine smile. While it was a little agitating to have her speak for me, it was also nice not having put on a façade yet. I’d save that for later when I get home.

We mostly ate dinner in a comfortable silence. Aside from a story about his day fishing and Bella’s day reading in the backyard, not much was said. I knew from experience that neither the Chief nor Bella were very talkative people, so none of this came as a surprise that they barely spoke. There was something to be said for being completely comfortable while quiet. At my house nothing’s ever silent, the twins make it impossible and my parents value dinner time as a time to talk, spend time together, so silent wasn’t really something we did. It wasn’t until now that I realize that silence had a value all in its own.

After dinner the Chief went upstairs and I helped Bella with the dishes. Her life was so simplistic and she seemed to never mind this fact. Anybody else would have gone stir crazy, but not her, she reveled in it. It reminded me why we were friends to begin with because despite her love for simplicity, she wasn’t simple minded unlike Jessica and Lauren. They craved a world outside their own, but only in a simple manner. Their aspirations never quite made it past leaving this town to find a husband, except maybe Jessica. She had already found who she wanted marry; she just hoped he hopped town with her. I hadn’t quite figured everything out; all I knew was that I wanted to take pictures whether that be here or a million miles away it didn’t matter as long as I was doing something I loved. But now it seemed my priorities were going to need to shift, drastically because while I might not know much about being a parent I know that they need to come first before everything. And I’m not quite sure I’m ready for that kind of selflessness yet.

Bella’s drying her hands with a towel when she breaks our silence. “Ready?” I just nod my head in response and head towards the door. When we’re in her ancient truck I lay my head back and sigh. “Thank you for today Bella.”

“No problem.”

The ride to car is mostly silent, except for the sound of the radio. I find comfort in the song that plays. It’s an old classic rock number and makes wish for a simpler time back when I first heard it, but that’s not going to happen anytime soon.

As I’m getting out of her truck to walk to my car, Bella speaks to me. “We’ll go to Port Angeles on Saturday.” It takes me a moment to figure out what she’s talking about when I remember our previous conversation. I give her a tentative smile thinking about the prospect of how real a doctor’s appointment is going to make all this, but I know this is something I shouldn’t put off. I nod my head and simply say, “Saturday” in a grim voice and head to my car.

When I get home and walk through the door the first thing I hear is, “Angela Emmanuelle Weber! Where have you been?!” in my mother’s strict voice.

I grumble in annoyance. I knew this was coming, but I couldn’t help the frustration that came with my parents over reaction to me being out. It wasn’t even 9:00 yet and my mother was already acting as though I was out all night. “I was at Bella’s.” I say as I walk towards the stairs to go to my room.

My mother decides to follow me. “And why were you at Bella’s when you told us you were going to Jessica’s?” I can hear the patronizing tone in voice.

“Because I decided to go there last minute when I pasted her house.” I couldn’t help the irritation that slipped in my voice.

“Well then why didn’t you at least call?” Her voice got a little gentler. She knew I worried about Bella sometimes.

“Because I just didn’t think to and when it crossed my mind was already almost home so it seemed kind of pointless.” I walked into my room with my mother following right along with me. I flopped down on my bed while my mother stood at the end of it.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Well next time call. Do you know how worried your father and I were when dinner ended and you had yet to come home. And then to call Jessica’s house only to have her tell me that you hadn’t even showed up. I mean anything could have happened to you for all we knew; you could have been lying in a ditch dead.”

Despite her over reaction I kind of saw her point, she was worried about me and I was too inconsiderate for the thought to even cross my mind. “I’m sorry mom. Honestly I just wasn’t thinking. If it happens again I’ll make sure to call.”

My mother’s demeanor softened at my words and she gave me a motherly smile. “That’s all we ask sweetie.” She came over and gave me a hug. When she let me go she smiled and asked, “How was Bella?”

I smile back. “She was fine. Most of my worrying was for nothing, she just enjoys being reclusive.”

“Well I’m glad to her that.” She says right before walking out of my room and closing the door behind her.

When I cease to hear her footsteps I lay back on my bed and finally let out the tension was built up today. I don’t know how I’m going to handle the disappointment from my parents when I finally build up the courage to tell them that they’re going to be grandparents sooner than they thought, but that’s something I’ll deal with when the time comes.


	4. Coping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angela goes to the doctor's and finds out some information she's desperate to know.

I wake up the next day groggier than usual. I couldn't get much sleep with all that was on my mind. _Pregnant._ The word sounded foreign to me. I couldn't quite wrap my head around the fact that this word could now be used to describe me. That it would be the only word used to describe me in the upcoming months. I wasn't okay with this; it almost made me want to get an abortion just so I wouldn't have to deal with the repercussions, but I knew nothing would be that simple.

I get out of bed grumbling as make my way to the bathroom. Just as I am about to reach the door Isaac and Josh run past me. Isaac makes it to the bathroom first shutting me and Josh out. I can feel annoyance clawing at me, but I stay calm. Josh starts banging on the door yelling at for Isaac to come out. God, I wish I had my own bathroom.

I grab Josh's shoulder and yank him away from the door. "Stop yelling. He'll come out when he's done."

"But I have to go." He says it in a whiney voice that kids use when their upset. It takes some effort not to roll my eyes at him. Usually I'm not this impatient with them, but my sleep deprivation and current state of mind has given me a shorter fuse than usual.

"Well so does he, now wait." He lets a noise that's a cross between a scream and whine. "Stop it." I say in a stern voice and he crosses his arms across his chest and glowers at the door. This time I don't hold in the eye roll at his dramatics.

A few minutes later Isaac comes out of the bathroom with smug look on his face and I know immediately he's done something mischievous. Josh starts to go into the bathroom, but I stop him with arm. He looks at me incredulously, but all I have to say is "trust me", for him to calm down. "Isaac, get back here now!"

He comes out of his room feet dragging with his arms across his chest. "What?"

"You know what. Go back in there and undo whatever it is you did."

"How do you know I did anything?" He gives me his best innocent look, but I know better and my face shows it.

"I just do." We enter a staring contest for the next five seconds until my stern look perseveres. He then walks in to the bathroom stomping every step until I hear a rustling. He comes out holding saran wrap a few empty paper towel rolls, string and a pair of scissors. I don't even want to know what he planned to do with that stuff, I'm just glad it was dismantled before it could do any damage.

"Happy?" he asks in a resentful tone.

"Very. Now go to room and get ready for school." I turn to Josh who is looking at me wide eyed likely thinking about the bullet he just dodged. I extend my arm out in the direction of the door. "You may go in now." He just nods and proceeds through the door.

I huff out a frustrated sigh. It was only Monday morning and the twins were already wreaking havoc, but then again none of this is new. I usually got up earlier ahead of time to evade most of their antics, but today just wasn't my day.

The rest of the morning goes by relatively calm except Isaac's death glares and Josh's smug looks, but I wasn't really paying much attention. I had greater things on my mind. Of course I could just be over reacting; I only took one test and I hear they could be inaccurate which I would be inclined to believe if the results didn't match my symptoms. I know once I go to the doctor they'll confirm what I already know and things will get even more real than they did yesterday.

I'm about to walk out the door to my car when my mother's hand stops me. She looks at me with concern etched into her features. I guess I'm not doing a very good job of hiding that something's wrong. "Sweetie, are you alright? You seemed a little quiet at breakfast."

I give her the best smile I can manage and speak. "I'm just a little tired mom, nothing to be alarmed about." It was half true which made it all the more easier to lie. I'm usually not that great at it, but since I've been lying to myself I've found it easier to lie to others.

My mother gives me a half smile and nods her head slightly. I can tell she doesn't quite buy what I said, but she takes my words as reassurance anyways and lets me go. I don't let go of the unconscious breath I was holding the moment I saw my mother's concerned face until I get to school.

Before I even walk in I know I'm going to be assaulted by the nauseating smell of a mixture of cologne, perfume and cafeteria food. Luckily each smell isn't particularly strong so I won't actually vomit, but the nausea is still there.

I get through my day pretty easily which doesn't really mean much because I don't have the most perceptive friends. The only one who gave me sympathetic looks was Bella which I appreciated to a degree. It was nice getting absorbed in everyone else's petty problems because it meant I didn't have to worry about mine.

Everything was going great until lunch and the saturated smell of cafeteria food caught me off guard. I had to run out to the girl's bathroom the moment I entered the cafeteria. I didn't actually make it to the bathroom, but luckily there was a trash can on my way there. I probably would have been more humiliated at vomiting in public while students who didn't know me stared at the spectacle I was making had my energy not been depleted so much already. When my stomach has emptied all of its contents I muster up all the energy I have and walk the rest of the way to the bathroom while trying very hard to ignore all the laughter.

When I get there I go straight to the sinks and wash my mouth out. If this becomes a common occurrence I'm going to have to start bringing mouthwash to school. I then splash water over my face and lean against the mirror in exhaustion.

I hear the door open and when I look I see that it's Bella. She gives me a sympathetic smile that makes me cringe a little bit. "So how bad is it out there?"

She chortles and then says, "Not that bad. Everyone pretty much went back to their normal lunch routine and others are just talking about it, but nothing that they're going to harass you about. I told everyone at our table that you have food poisoning, so they'll leave you alone also."

I smile at her thoughtfulness. "Thank you." I let out a sigh of fatigue. "I can't go back there."

Bella looks at me in confusion. "I just told you that they won't bother you."

"It's not them, it's the smell. If I go back in there I'll end up right in back here."

She gives me a look of recognition. "Well I guess we can eat outside. It's one of the rare days where it isn't raining."

I snort. "Yeah let's go outside."

The rest of the week goes pretty much like this with the exception of Wednesday; it was pouring buckets so we had to find another safe haven that wasn't the cafeteria. We used the computer lab to eat lunch and research medical clinics in Port Angeles. We found a walk-in clinic that wasn't too conspicuous. At first Bella suggested Planned Parenthood, but I didn't want to have to explain what I was doing there if I ran into someone I knew. So we settled on the walk-in clinic that's going to confirm the thing that I already knew.

It wasn't until Friday that our friends decided to join us at the picnic table. "You guys have been MIA at lunch all week. Are we now no longer worthy lunch companions?" Mike held hand to his chest in fake outrage.

"Or maybe they're plotting our murders. That's why they've been avoiding us." Eric chimed in with fake suspicion in his voice.

Everybody at the table was laughing at they're antics including Bella and me. Mike and Eric always knew how to lighten the mood.

Bella answered for us which I was thankful for. I'd been lying enough at home, I didn't like having to have to do it at school to. "We just felt like fresh air for a change. Sorry we didn't invite you, but we just assumed that you liked the cafeteria."

"Yeah we just love the smell of inedible food every day. We can't get enough of it." Mike said sarcastically which had everyone giggling in response.

"But, no seriously we missed you guys. Lunch has been lacking intelligent conversation all week and I won't stand for it anymore." Eric slammed his fist against the picnic table while Jessica and Lauren looked at him with death glares. Mike held his hands up as too remove himself from the situation.

"Lacking intelligent conversation? Says the guy whose only contribution to conversation this week was how hot Megan Fox was in Transformers." Jessica said in a clipped tone while throwing a potato chip at him.

"Hey, never said I wasn't a part of the problem." He had his hand up in surrender which both she and Lauren accepted. The rest of lunch had a more lively tone than it had all week which I was grateful for. I hadn't been much of a teenager this week and I missed it.

Near the end of lunch Mike invited us all to go camping the next day. Everyone accepted his invitation except Bella and me. "Why don't you want to go camping with us? Did we do something we're not aware of that has you avoiding us?" Jessica asked.

"No you guys didn't do anything, it's just me and Bella made unbreakable plans for tomorrow."

"What kind of plans?" Lauren said in a suspicious tone.

My heart rate increased as I tried to come up with a response, but again, much to my gratitude, Bella answered for me. "We're going to La Push to see my friend Jake."

Everyone was speechless after that. No one was aware that she had any friends outside of us, myself included. Mike finally broke the silence. "Who's Jake?"

"My dad's best friend's son. He just finished building his car and wanted to drive me to Port Angeles and I invited Angela to tag along." She spoke confidently as though what she just said wasn't a lie. Lauren was about say something but the tardy bell interrupted her and we went our separate ways.

It's wasn't until the next day and we were sitting in the waiting room that her lie started to bother me. Bella, while a very competent liar, had never been that good at it. In fact she was always pretty easy to read, so I wondered where all that came from. "Bella?"

She looked up from the magazine she was taking mild interest in to look at me. "Yeah?"

"How did you come up with that lie so fast yesterday?"

Bella's cheeks turned a new shade of red before she answered me. "Well it wasn't a lie."

"What do you mean?" I mean we were in Port Angeles, but not with some guy named Jake.

"I mean those are my actual plans just for tomorrow." She was turning an even deeper shade of red.

"So Jake is real?"

"Yes, very real. He's actually who I spend most of my weekends with."

"So you don't just reject all our invitations just because you want to be alone."

She looked a little perplexed by my statement. "No, is that what people think?"

"Well yeah. When we're at school sit silently like you'd rather be sitting alone, so we just assumed."

"I do like alone time just not _that_ much alone time." She said sounding a little annoyed.

"I'm sorry." She nodded in response. So I actually was worrying for nothing, but the more I thought about it the more outraged I got. Why didn't she want to hang out with us and I asked.

She paused for a moment thinking about how to respond. She finally let out a breath before she replied. "With you guys, it's like I feel this obligation to talk and engage in conversations because if I don't I'm a freak. But with Jake there's absolutely no obligation or anything, not to even say hi. I can read a book while he works on his car in complete silence and know everything is alright. And when we do talk it's not out of obligation, it's just the natural progression of things. Don't get me wrong I still like hanging out with you guys, it's just so much easier with him."

I didn't know how to respond to that because I could see what she was talking about. There have been times when she sat with us in complete silence and she was readily ostracized for it. I guess I didn't think that we were the reason she was antisocial, I just blamed it on her nature. We both sat in silence after that.

We had been there for about an hour and a half and I still hadn't been seen. I'd asked the receptionist what was taking so long, but she just basically told me that I had to wait until the scheduled patients had been seen first. I let my mind wander to the person who got me into this mess. I wondered what he was doing with his Saturday morning. I bet it was more riveting and less stressful than what I was doing. I really wish I knew how to find him. The only thing I had location wise for his whereabouts was La Push and while it's a small place, it's not that small and I didn't know many places there beyond the beach. I wondered if Bella knew where things were there. She must considering she spent almost all her weekends there with Jake. Actually now that I think about it I wonder if Jake knew Paul. They're reservation was smaller than Forks and in Forks everyone knew everyone, so it probably worked the same way.

Bella was leaning to the side of her chair falling asleep when I got her attention. "Bella?"

She startled a little but quickly got her bearings when she realized where we were. "Yeah?"

"Does Jake know anybody named Paul that lives in La Push?" She looked at me with surprised eyes as her brain came to some realization I wasn't privy to.

"Why?" I don't know why I felt reluctant in telling her that that was the name of the guy I slept with since she knew everything at this point, but I still felt some things needed to be private.

"He's just someone I really need to get in touch with."

She continued to look at me inquisitively. "Well there's only one Paul both of us know in La Push and there's only one reason I can think of for why you'd need to find him, but that can't be true because that would mean you had sex with La Push's resident man slut." Her tone was a little vexing.

If I wasn't sure before I'm sure now that we're talking about the same person. He spent the entire evening hitting on almost every girl even after we had sex. The label she used for him wasn't surprising; what was surprising was the tone she was using toward me as though his faults were somehow mine. She had been pretty accepting of everything up until this point I don't know why this was her last straw.

"Calm down. If he is who you think he is, why are you so mad at me?"

Bella quickly realized that she came off a little intense and her features softened again. "I'm sorry Ang. I'm not's mad at you its-"

"Angela Weber" The nurse interrupted whatever she was about to say. I wanted her to finish, but she just gestured for me to go with the nurse.

"We'll talk about it when you're done."

"You better." I told her pointedly.

The nurse ushered me to the scale and asked for my height. Once finished she look me to the exam room where took my vitals and then the questions started and my comfort level plummeted.

"When was the first day of your last period?"

"Um…March 2nd"

"Okay" she said in a nonchalant voice as though I that wasn't two months ago and continued to write down what I saying. "Are you allergic to any medications?"

"No."

"Are you currently taking any medications?"

"No."

"Are you sexually active?"

"Yes?" It felt weird saying yes to that because it was only the once.

"How often do you exercise?"

"Um…only in PE which means I guess once a day."

"And what is the purpose of this visit?"

"Um…I think I'm pregnant."

She finished writing in the chart and got up. "Okay the doctor will be in with you shortly." Was all she said before she left. It felt kind of weird that the first person I actually said the words _I'm pregnant_ to someone who couldn't care less.

The nurse was wrong about the doctor being in shortly which isn't news to me. The doctor didn't come in until about a half an hour later.

"Sorry for the wait Ms. Weber." She said as she rubbed was I assume was hand sanitizer on her hands.

"It's fine."

"Alright why don't we get started? According to your chart you're here for a pregnancy test. Is that correct?"

I just nodded my head in response.

"Okay I'm going to ask you a few questions and then we'll get a sample for the test." She was speaking in a soft reassuring voice. I was still scared, but the clearly non-judgmental tone in her voice was helpful.

"Alright so according to your answers on the questionnaire it's more than likely you are pregnant. You said you took a home pregnancy test and it was positive?" I nodded my head again. "So how those tests work is they detect a hormone called HCG and if the levels are high enough the test will detect them. If the test gave a false reading it's more likely due to false negatives than positives. The one we'll do today will be very similar, but it's likely to give you the same result. Do you still want to do the test?"

I nodded my head again. "I want to be a hundred percent sure."

"Alright, so it also says that you weren't having unprotected sex, but I want to screen you for STD anyways, do you have any objections?"

I shook my head no. I felt better knowing Paul hadn't unknowingly passed more than a baby to me.

"Okay that's going to involve a pap smear and some blood work, but first we'll get a urine sample and perform the pregnancy test." Everything was moving a little fast, but I understood that she had more patients after me so she need to get everything done as fast as possible. She handed me a sample cup and directed me towards the bathroom.

When I was done I gave the cup directly to her and she took the top off with her gloved hands and put what looked like a white strip of paper in it and it turned pink on the spot. She looked up at me with a sympathetic smile and that told me all I need to know about the results. "It's positive."

I nodded my head with tears filling my eyes. I kept them at bay because I still had more of this doctor's appointment to go through and we can't stop every time I get emotional.

The doctor took her gloves off and went towards a cabinet and took something cloth out. "I'm going to give you some privacy. Take all of your clothes off and put this on, even your underwear. A nurse is going to come in with a tray and I'll be back shortly after." I should probably be annoyed that sh was explaining everything step by step, but it was helpful to know exactly what was going on.

I did exactly as I was asked and wore the thin gown that was a little too drafty for my taste. And after a 20 minute wait I was in the retractable stir-ups with my butt nearly falling out of the chair and a very cold and uncomfortable device inside me. When she finally done I couldn't have been more thankful for it finally be over. "Alright we're done here. Once you get dressed you can take this form and take it to the labs to get you blood drawn. We'll call you when the results are in which should be within seven days. Do you have any questions before I leave? "

"Umm?" I did have one question, but I didn't know how to ask it without feeling stupid. I decided to suck it up and ask anyway. It's not like I would probably be seeing her past this appointment. "How did this happen. I mean…I know _how_ it happened. It's just we used…he used-"

"How did his happen even though you used a condom?" She gave me a knowing look as she finished my question for me.

"Yeah, I mean we were safe." I couldn't look her in the eye as I spoke.

She smiled at me before answering. "Well no method beyond abstinence is a hundred percent safe, but it decreases your odds significantly. You could simply be one of those unlucky people in the three percent, or the condom wasn't put on properly or it could have simply broken. No matter the reason there's no way to know definitively and at the end of the day you're still pregnant, so let's not focus on the how and focus on what's ahead of you and making the best decision for yourself."

I nodded in agreement. She was right. I can't drive myself insane with something I can't change and focus on things I can.

"Oh before I forget, here are some pamphlets with information about your options. Are you planning on proceeding with this pregnancy?"

"I think so?"

"Well I'm going to write you a prescription for prenatal vitamins anyways. You should start taking them immediately. Have you told your parents yet?"

I shook my head no.

"I didn't think so. Well I suggest you tell them soon. It'll make making a decision easier on you once you know where they stand."

"I know, it's just hard. I can see the disappointment on their faces already."

"The big things in life never are easy. If you any questions about today's exam or anything medical related feel free to call." And with that she gave me the lab form and left.

I met Bella in the waiting room when I was done getting my blood drawn. She looked bored out of her mind which I couldn't really blame her for. We'd been her for over two and a half hours an she spent it all in the waiting room.

I approach her with a timid smile. She looks up at me coming out of her sleepy fog. "So, what's the verdict?"

"I'm definitely pregnant, even got a prescription to confirm it." My attempt at humor fell flat, but she didn't say anything anyways. She just gave me a weak smile and stood up.

"Let's go get some lunch."

"Yeah, I'm starving; I haven't eaten anything all day. Where do you want to go?" I was happy for the subject change and plus I was actually hungry. I hadn't been eating much lately to avoid any more incidents at school and I really didn't want one at the doctors.

"Let's go to that Italian place we went to when we went shopping for our homecoming dresses. You know the only good thing from that experience."

"Shopping with Jessica was not that bad, but it sounds good to me."

"Not that bad, we were shopping for over three hours in one store. Who needs to try on that many dresses?"

For the first time today I genuinely laughed. Bella didn't express her strong opinions on much, but when she did it was always entertaining.

When we were already seated and the waitress had taken our orders, I finally asked about Paul again. "Bella, why did you get so mad earlier?"

She looked really sheepish before she answered. "I wasn't really angry just shocked. I've met him like once and from what I remember of him he wasn't really someone you'd talk to let alone sleep with."

"Why would you say that?" I was really curious. Sure he was a little too friendly with girls, but he wasn't vulgar or anything.

She let out a sigh before speaking. "He was just really rude to me and Jake. Well, mainly Jake, he kind of just ignored me, but Jake was really affected by what he said and I know you don't know him, but it takes a lot for someone to do that. Plus all of the stories on the rez about him; he's got a different girl like every other day and he's got some serious anger issues. That's just not someone I pictured you with. I'm sorry if I came off a little abrasive earlier. I know this is about so much more than you having sex with Paul Lahote." _Lahote._ So that was his last name. She had a timid smile on her face unsure if I'd forgive her.

"I forgive you Bella." I gave her a reassuring smile to communicate that I meant it. She may have been abrasive, but it was coming from a place of sympathy. "So, does that mean Jake knows where he lives?" I was looking at her with hopeful eyes.

"Yeah, if not he should know where you can find him. Why don't you come down to La Push with me tomorrow and you can talk to him yourself."

"Sure, I mean he won't mind will he. I'd be intruding on your guy's time together." I didn't want my problems to leak into her life.

"No he won't mind and plus I'd really love for you guys meet." She sounded a little nervous to admit that last part

"Okay then it's decided. I'm going to La Push with you tomorrow." And I would finally know how to get in touch with the father of my baby. _God, that sounded terrible._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to be having a lot of inspiration for this fic, so my next update will probably be sooner that expected


	5. Amused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angela tells Paul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Probably took a bit longer to update that expected, but the chapter's longer than usual(ish). Anyways it probably should be broken up into two chapter's, but who doesn't appreciate a long chapter every once in a while. :) Anyways this one's a little bit more light-hearted than the others, but goes back to its serious premise by the end. And warning it's gets a little fluffy with Bella and Jacob, so if that's not your thing beware. Enjoy :)

I get up early the next day for Bella to come pick me up. Apparently what they had planned for today was an all-day event. My sleep patterns hadn't improved at all since last week and getting up early for a day full of plans I didn't even know what were was almost not worth it. But then I remember that after today I would know how to get in touch with Paul and I forced myself out of my bed. On the bright side, I'd be gone before either of the twins woke up so I would have to deal with their antics.

I encounter my mother in the kitchen when I go to grab a quick piece of toast. She looks surprised to see me up so early as I usually sleep in until we have to go to my dad's 11:00 sermon. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Remember I said I was going to La Push to meet Bella's friend Jacob."

"Yes I remember, but I don't remember you telling me you'd be missing church." Her tone is a little vexing and it hit that nerve that told me I was a teenager.

"Well I am." I said a little annoyed, but the look on my mother's face told me I wouldn't be going anywhere for a while if I kept my tone, so I calmed myself down a little bit. "It's just one Sunday out of like million more that I'll be there for. Why can't I miss just this once?" I pleaded.

Mother looked at me as though she were weighing all the options. "Fine, but just don't make this a common occurrence."

I squealed in delight. "Thank you mom, I promise." Just then a honk was heard from outside. "That's her." I say and then I grab my jacket and leave.

When I get to the truck Bella looks just about as sleep deprived as I do. "Not a morning person either." I say with a chuckle.

Bella lets out a grumble and says, "definitely not, the only reason I'm up this early is because Jake wanted to get an early start."

I let out a grumble as well. "What could he possibly have planned in Port Angeles that involves being up this early?"

"I don't know, but whatever it is it better be worth it." I nod my head in agreement.

The drive is pretty quiet for a little while until Bella decides to break the silence. "So have you decided what you're gonna do?" She speaks timidly knowing how loaded that question is.

In all honesty I still didn't know. While the prospect of staying pregnant still didn't appeal to me neither did terminating it. Adoption seemed like my best bet, but I'm not sure I would be strong enough to go through with it. Keeping it seemed to be the default option, but I don't like the idea of that. Keeping a child because it's only thing you know to do. My baby deserves better than that which leaves me at a standstill. "I still need more time to decide."

Bella nodded in acknowledgement. After a pregnant pause she spoke. "You know time's gonna run soon right?" she bit her lip.

"I know, but it's not yet so, I'm going to use as much of it as I can afford." I said stoically.

"Just…just don't do anything you'll regret." She said this solemnly probably thinking of her own mother.

"I promise."

"Good."

The rest of the journey was short and quiet and before I knew it we were pulling up to an unfamiliar red house at the end of a dirt road. There was a tall Native American boy with long hair waiting by the shed with a smile so contagious you couldn't help, but grin back. The moment Bella put the truck in park he sprang from the shed door and ran over to the driver side. Bella had barely gotten her seatbelt off when he threw the door open and pulled her into a hug that lifted her off the ground. Never have I seen so much enthusiasm especially at seven o'clock in the morning.

"It's about time you got here." He said as he gently put her down.

"Well I to pick up Angela." She gestured her hand towards me who was still sitting in the car.

He walked over to the driver's side again to peer in at me. "Hey, I'm Jacob." With a smile on his face; he held out his hand for me to shake.

I took it and chuckled. "I guessed that. I'm Angela."

He shook my hand heartily and said, "Guessed that too." He then pulled himself back and turned to Bella and said, "shall we" and gestured toward the shed. I got out of the truck and followed them to the entrance. He pulled open the barn door that opened the entire shed and in was revealed a red 1986 VW Rabbit. It didn't look like anything special, but the fact that he restored this all by himself was impressive. "Ta Da…"

Bella broke out the biggest grin I'd ever seen on her face and looked over at him. "I can't believe it's finished. I'm mean just a month ago it was just a pile scrap metal." She walked over to the car and ran her hand across the exterior.

"I know, I'm awesome." He said in a playful tone and chucked.

"No you _are_ awesome. I can't even hang a picture on a wall without something going majorly wrong, you built an entire car." She said this with so much conviction that Jacob's cheeks reddened.

"Yeah well two months of working on nothing, but this was bound to pay off." He was rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly and he seemed really uncomfortable with her praise.

"This is really impressive Jacob I can't imagine how much work went into this. I can't believe it only took you two months." I chimed in because I was truly amazed.

He laughed uncomfortably. "Yeah well my entire social life kind of got put on hold for it, so that gave me a lot of free time."

"Not your entire social life." Bella said a little haughtily.

"Well a good portion of it did."

Just then a tall lanky boy with hair slightly shorter than Jacob's appeared from the woods. He ran over to the shed and fist bumped Jacob before taking in the sight of the finished car. "Awesome dude." He walked over to the car appraising it in more detail than Bella or I would have even thought to. "It seems being dateless for two months paid off."

Jacob rolled his eyes and didn't even give the unknown boy the satisfaction of a response. "Where's Quil?"

The newcomer gave Jacob a mischievous smirk. "Grounded. Got caught sneaking out again. This time to spy on her at Second Beach."

Jacob burst into laughter. "He really needs to stop stalking Leah before she calls the cops or worse, Sam." Both of them were laughing.

My ears perked up at the names Leah and Sam. I remembered them from the bon fire almost two months ago. Lauren spent the entire time trying to break them up. I wanted to ask about them in hopes to bring up Paul, but I didn't have a nonchalant way of doing it especially since I had yet to be introduced to this new boy.

"I just can just imagine him getting his ass beat." The new guy said still laughing.

"And that still wouldn't stop him." Jake said holding his ribs.

I could see a faint smile on Bella's face observing their antics. I too was compelled to smile despite not knowing who Quil was or the boy in front of me. They reminded me of Mike and Eric, always joking around and always able to get people to smile.

Their laughter died down and that's when the lanky boy noticed me. "Who's she?" he said eying me up and down with a smile on his face.

"That's my friend Angela and don't hit on her." Bella answered in a stern tone.

He held his hand up in surrender. "Hey I wasn't going to hit on her." Bella give him a _really_ look while Jacob just snorts in laughter. "Yet." His mischievous smile comes back and now it's directed at me. "I'm Embry by the way. Have I seen you around? You look familiar." I could hear in his tone of voice that he was turning the charm all the way up. Luckily for me my condition gave me immunity to it, so I was safe as far as he was concerned.

"Well _Embry_ we do live two very small towns close to each other it's possible we've met before. It obviously wasn't memorable, but I'm willing to overlook that." Sarcasm is dripping in my voice, but he seems to not be catching that.

"Wait no, you actually look really familiar." He says with an air of recognition. He seems to be searching his mind intently as he tries to place me. I have no idea where or when he would have seen me because I have no recollection of him. "Have you been to any bonfires at First Beach?"

"Yes…like a couple of months ago." I speak slowly curious where he's going with this.

"Yeah you were with those Fork kids. Man that was a crazy weekend. I don't even remember how I got home." He chuckled at his thought.

"I guess it was crazy. I mostly spent it with my friend sulking because the guy she liked was hitting on someone else." It's technically the truth and hopefully he won't remember me talking with Paul.

"The blond right?" I nodded my head in confirmation. "I think I talked to her for like three seconds before I realized she wasn't paying attention to a word I was saying. She just kept staring at this dude talking to Emily."

"Yep, sounds like Jess. I mean at least you got three seconds in." I tell him sarcastically.

"Yeah I'll cherish them forever." He says while overdramatically clutching his chest in fake heartbreak.

Jake then cuts in by clearing his throat loudly. "Alright, as much fun as it is watching Embry strike out, we need to get a move on it if we want to make it to Portland by noon."

" _Portland_?" Bella and I both say simultaneously.

"I thought we were going to Port Angeles." Bella says voicing my confusion.

"Damn it" he whispered to himself and then smiled guiltily at Bella. "Yeah I wasn't actually going to tell you until we were in the car, but surprise, we're going to Portland."

Bella was taken aback. "What, you were just going to take me to _another_ state and not tell me? Why on earth would you do that?" Her voice was raised, though not quite yelling, but louder than I'd ever heard he speak before.

"Well I have a surprise for you down there and I knew you wouldn't just come with me without telling you where we were going first."

"Well why didn't you just tell me we were going to Portland?"

"Because you would have said no."

"Well of course I would, it's four and a half hours away."

"Exactly, which is why I said Port Angeles."

Bella let out a menacing growl and glared at Jacob as she opened the passenger side door. "Shotgun." Was all she said before she got in.

The rest of us filed to the tiny car both Embry and I getting in through driver side door. When Jake turned the ignition it started with a resounding roar and Jake's face lit up with large smile. He then turned that smile towards Bella who was defenseless against it. His happiness was contagious and it spread all around the car until all of the tension dissipated.

The ride there was pretty uneventful. Bella and Jake talked idly while Embry chimed in his opinions a few times. I mostly stayed quiet observing them together. I don't know what she brought out in him, but he definitely brought out her personality. I had never seen her more lively. The more they spoke together, the more I realized why she spent all her time with him. All was going well until my condition decided to make itself known via morning sickness. I hadn't had to many experiences with it before, it was mostly just an aversion to certain smells, but the moment felt bile start to rise in my stomach I immediately made them stop the car. I threw up on the side of the road and everybody but Bella looked at me in horror. Luckily I was able to pass it off as car sickness, Jake kept the windows rolled down and eyed me intently for the rest of the ride, probably to save his car. We also made two reluctant rest stops on account of my bladder. I was not a popular passenger.

When we finally arrived in Portland Jacob took us to Oaks Amusement Park. It was a pretty small and was mostly filled with children, but it had its charm.

"Welcome to the place where all fun begins."

Jake looked so excited when he presented it to us we couldn't help but join in on the excitement. The only one who wasn't enthused was Embry, who I'm guessing knew this entire time that this is where were going.

"Dude, this place is for little kids."

"Exactly. It's time to embrace our inner child Embry and what better place to do than here."

I couldn't help but agree with him since this could be one of the last times I get to have fun with the wonderment of a child. Bella looked skeptical at first too, but one look at Jake's goofy smile had her convinced. Embry seemed impassive, but what could he do? He had been outnumbered.

When we entered the park Looping Thunder was the first ride the boys headed to. It was a roller coaster that was pretty small, but still got the job done. I, of course, opted out of going on the ride paying attention to the warning signs given by the park. I used the excuse that I was still a little sick, which wasn't completely untrue, to get out of it. They accepted my excuse gladly remembering my performance on the interstate.

They tried to get me on other rides such as the Tilt-a-Whirl, Tree-Top Drop and Screaming Eagle, but they jerked around too much for my liking in my condition. I didn't know why was being so protective, I mean I hadn't made any concrete decisions. I should be opting to go on the rides because wrong twirl or jerk and all my problems would go away free of cost, but not free of my conscience.

The boys were in line for Looping Thunder for the third time when Bella and I decided to ride the Carousal together. It was the first time since her car that we really got to talk alone. She was sitting on the zebra backwards facing me when she put her feet up and leaned against the pole to relax. "So how are you doing? I mean you haven't ridden many rides."

"You I'm sorry I must be a bit of a downer, but I just can't bring myself to risk it. I mean nothing will probably hurt the baby at this stage, but every time I think about getting on a ride I keep imagining losing it and me not being as happy as I should be about that. What do you think that means?" I ask uncertainly.

Bella let out a thoughtful sigh. "I think it means…you've made your decision." She said with insight that I didn't quite understand.

"Trust me; I haven't made any decisions yet." I said brushing off her statement.

"If think about it more you'll realize you have." Is the last thing she says before she turns back on the zebra correctly for the rest of the ride. The boys meet us at the exit with their hair severely wind-blown.

"Did you ladies have fun?" Embry says with mockery in his voice.

"Lots." Bell answers back obstinately.

"Yes Bella we had lots of fun on the Carousal. Why do you ask Embry?" I join in.

Realizing he's outnumbered once again, he gives up. "No reason, just curious. Weren't we Jake?"

"I'm staying out of this."

"Smart boy." Bella praises.

"Well mama didn't raise no fool." He retorts back making us all laugh. "So between us we've got enough tickets for three last rides, what do we wanna ride?"

"Chelsea Littlesea from third period." Embry answers unceremoniously and Jake hits him on the back of the head while he just simply laughs at his own joke.

"Anybody have _real_ suggestions that don't involve going back to La Push."

"Let's go on the Rock-o-Plane. Angela can even ride that." Bella chimes in.

I look over at the caged Ferris wheel skeptically. "I don't know Bella, It's spins, a lot."

"Come on Angela it's just a Ferris wheel. It shouldn't be that upsetting to your _stomach_." Bella eyes me. "I'll even ride with Embry, so you won't get _unnecessarily_ spun in the cage." Embry's about to deny her last statement, but one look from Bella told him she was probably right.

"So it's settled, you ride with Embry while I ride with Angela." Jake claps his hands together and we head towards the ride.

I didn't understand why Bella just didn't ride with me and it wasn't until we were almost at the end of the line that I got my answer. "So you and Jake will be _alone_." She whispers to me.

"And?" I whisper back confused by her statement.

" _And,_ you can talk to him about anything. _Ask_ anything..." she trails off on her last statement and I'm about to ask her what she's talking about when I realize what she means. The entire reason I'm here today.

I feel like face palming, but I know that'll be too conspicuous. I perk up a bit at the prospect, but I'm still extremely nervous on how to bring up Paul without telling him everything.

We get on the ride Jacob and I getting on first. When the operator closes the bar across our waists and shuts the cage door I get second thoughts about the ride. Though I'm grateful for the opportunity to ask my questions, the bar is a little too tight. I mean it's not right up against me, but one wrong move and it will be. I'm about to voice my concerns when the ride starts moving. Too late now I guess.

I look over at Jacob and he has nothing but a goofy smile on his face. "You like Ferris wheels?" His attention shifts from the looking out of the cage to me.

He actually gives this a little thought. "I guess. I mean they're exactly the same no matter where you go. I like these ones a bit more because you can hang upside down in them." He proceeds to demonstrate when I grab his arm tightly.

"Please don't!" I yell.

"I won't. I wouldn't do that to you, or me. I don't really feel like having chunks all over me." He adds with a chuckle.

"Thank you. If all goes well we both won't have chunks all over us by the end."

"Here, here."

The wheel starts to make its second rotation when I finally, with no tact, ask him. "So, do you know Paul Lahote?"

Jacob is clearly taken aback by my question and looks at me like I have an extra head sprouting out. "Umm…know is a generous way to describe it, but yeah I know him. Kinda hard not to, bein' on the rez and all. Why do you ask?"

"I kinda need to find him." I stumble with my words, but Jacob understands me.

"Why would _you_ need to find Paul Lahote?" He asks skeptically.

I let out a frustrated sigh. "I just do."

"Well you're not the type of girl that usually comes looking for him."

"Well what type of girl is that?" I don't know why I'm getting defensive. I know what kind of girls come look for him and I know I definitely don't fit the profile. But I didn't like that he was make assumptions about me or Paul for that matter.

"The kind that are definitely not you." He says with a degree of arrogance.

I'm about to tell just what kind of girl I am when the ride suddenly stops jerking us both forward and pushing the metal bar into my abdomen harshly. My attention immediately shifts from our conversation to the well-being of my baby. I cradle my stomach rubbing it gently as though that would actually do something. Tears are starting to form in my eyes as I try to assess the damage. I lift up my shirt and see that there are no marks or bruising and my underwear feels dry which means there's no bleeding. As I start to calm myself I realize that I'm not alone and that Jacob has just seen my little freak out.

He's looking at me with pity in his eyes as he pieces everything together. "The bar hit a little hard." I try to explain it as concern for myself, but it's already too late. We ride the rest of the way down in silence. When we get out I immediately cling on to Bella citing the bathroom as an excuse, not wanting to see the perceptive look on Jacob's face.

"How did it go?" Bella asks when we're a safe distance from the boys.

"Not well, I think he knows." I tell her slightly panicked.

"What? How?"

I then relay to her my little freak out on Ferris wheel. "Do you think he told Embry?" I ask panicking even more.

"No, Jake's not like that. I can guarantee you that he won't tell anyone, even after you've told everyone."

"Are you sure?"

"Very. His inherent ability to _not_ gossip is one of the many reasons I keep him around."

I had to laugh at that because that was a rare quality amongst our group of friends. "And here I thought he was just something pretty for you look at."

"Well there's that too, but don't tell him. It'll go to his head." We laugh together at her joke just before heading back to the boys. Though I've calmed down considerably, I'm still a little jittery when I see Jake. He's the first person outside of Bella and a doctor to know about my condition and that's nerve racking. At least with them I have control over the situation, with him it's a complete leap of faith. Though Bella has assured me that he's trustworthy, I barely know him, so I can't judge that for myself completely which is what's disconcerting. _You barely knew Paul and you let him inside your body._ My evil side points out and I couldn't dispute it, but there was just something easier about having sex with somebody than trusting them.

When we get back Jake seems just as eager as me to move on from our Ferris wheel moment. He claps his hands together and says, "What's next?"

"Let's get on the roller coaster again. I mean Angela has yet to experience the awesomeness that is that ride." Embry chimes in with his boyish charm.

"And Angela will continue to miss out on that awesomeness because no way." I tell him pointedly.

"Come on, what are you, scared? It's not even that fast."

"If it's not that fast, why do you want to go on it so bad?"

"Because it's the fastest thing here. Come on, just go on it once."

"No and that's my final answer."

"I'm gonna keep bugging you until you do, so you might as well just save yourself the trouble and give in."

"Is that your pick up line for girls because I think it needs work. It's a little rapey."

"Ha ha, no. Just get on the ride with us."

"NO."

"Come on." He stretched his voice out in a childish whine.

"Embry, just drop it. Let her do what she wants." Jacob chimed in my defense.

"Where would the fun be in that? Come on, we have to get the scaredy cat on the roller coaster _at least_ once."

"No we don't. Just let it go." Embry was about retort again, but Jake grabbed his arm forcefully causing him to call out in pain. "Let it go."

"Fine, I will, no need to get violent." He said rubbing his arm.

"How about you guys go on the roller coaster, we'll go on the train and we'll meet at the bumper cars for the grand finale and then leave. Sound great to everyone." We all nodded our heads as Bella looked around at us.

And we did just that, for the most part. Before leaving we played a few of the games. Only Jake actually won something though which he immediately passed onto Bella. We ate a Denny's passing easy conversation. Bella so far seemed right, Jake let what had happened in the Ferris Wheel pass and he went back to his good natured self. We left for home at about five o'clock and the ride back was just as uneventful as the way there. We were mostly tired so the majority of us, except Jacob of course, slept and when I need us to use the restroom no one but Embry protested. Of course that was until the five cokes he drank before we left decided to make a reappearance.

When we made it back to Jake's old garage at almost ten o'clock we were all exhausted. Embry immediately walked home when he exited the car and Jake and Bella seemed to be having a long goodbye. It wasn't until Bella went to her truck without me that I realized what it was about. "Hey Angela, can talk to you for a moment?" Jake asked as I was about to follow Bella out. She just gave me smile as she left.

"Sure?"

"So…we didn't really get to finish our conversation earlier." He laughed nervously.

"Yeah, sorry I freaked out there for a moment." I felt so small.

"It's fine, understandable even. Well anyway… I can help you find Paul."

My head picked up a little at that. "You can?"

"Yes." He says confidently before searching through his glove box for something. When he comes up out of the car he's holding a notepad and pen and is writing something down. He tears off the paper on the notepad and hands it to me. "He lives at this address off of Hermison Road. It's farther down the street and kinda the only cabin for miles, but if you can't find him there you should be able to find him at Sam Uley's. He's his best friend. That's the second address on the paper. Look…don't expect much from him. He's not known for his _reliability_." He adds with a somber tone.

"I know, I was there, but I have to at least tell him." I look up at him with a grateful smile on my face. "Thank you, Jake, seriously you have no idea how much you've just helped me."

"Don't mention it, _really_." I wave goodbye to him before getting into Bella's truck.

"Get all you need?" She turns the key in the ignition.

"Yes. I got everything I need."

* * *

It's takes two weeks before I do anything about it. I've been kind of biding my time before really doing anything. It's not until my morning sickness starts to take over my life and thus my parents are starting to notice that everything's not alright with me that I realized that I needed to do something. I hadn't even made an appointment with the OBGYN and I was less than a month away from exiting my first trimester.

Bella was right, I had made my decision. I just needed to think about it more. I was way too protective of the baby to abort it and I know for a fact I couldn't just give my baby away. It wasn't completely out of my plans, but I knew I'd be unlikely. That's why I started looking things up about pregnancy. If I wasn't going to the doctor's I could at least educate myself in what not to do before I could get to one. So far, not much has changed, but my need to drink decaf and weird cravings. The other day I was helping my mom make dinner and I wanted to eat the steak _raw._ I obviously didn't, but I was so close to stealing the entire thing and taking it to my room to devour. This was something that didn't escape the notice of my parents and thus why I' here at an unfamiliar cabin in unfamiliar woods.

I've been standing here for about ten minutes trying to muster up the courage to knock. I heard noises inside, so I know at least one person is home, but if my ears are correct there are two people in there, one of them female. Maybe his mother's home which would make this even more awkward than it already is, but I'm here and this can't wait any longer.

I knock on the door haphazardly with no particular pattern. Just enough so that someone will notice before my nerve runs out. A tan young woman with long dark hair wearing only an oversized flannel shirt and too much make-up smeared across her face answers the door. This was definitely not his mother. When she's sees me, there's contempt in her eyes. "Can we help you?" she says in a harsh tone that tells me I am not welcome, but unfortunate for her I'm not deterred by bitchiness.

My face is turning red in embarrassment, but I swallow my nervousness down and speak. "Yeah, is Paul home?"

"Who's asking?" her tone is vexing. It doesn't escape my notice that she's wearing too much perfume, cheap perfume at that. It's overwhelming, so I have to take a step back from her just so I won't blow chunks on this nameless woman. She takes this as a sign of intimidation.

I'm slightly fed up with this woman already; she not only is making me want to throw up, but also is preventing me from my goal. I want to tell him before I told my parents because when I finally tell them I want all the facts and so far he's my only undecided wild card. "Are you his gate keeper or something? It doesn't matter who I am, what matters is I'm here for Paul, so why don't you I asked you to do and answer my question."

She was taken aback and for a moment I thought I'd gone too far, but she recovered quickly. "Excuse me rich little white girl, who the fuck do you think you are demanding things?! You better get off my porch before I make you!"

I let out a deep breath. "No." I stood my ground.

"What'd you say?!"

"NO!" I stomped my foot this time as though I were a child. "I'm not leaving until I talk to Paul."

Suddenly she grabs my arm and starts to drag me across the porch. Nausea almost overtakes me, but before she can pull met far Paul comes out of the house and stops her. "What have I told you about answering my door Kate!?" His tone was stern and held no affection.

"Well you were indisposed at the moment, so I thought I'd do you a favor." She looked like a child caught doing something they shouldn't, but her voice still stayed strong. I just stood in the corner watching their interaction.

"I think it's time for you to leave." He says lowly.

"In this?" She points down to her state of undress.

"Well that's definitely more than what you came in, so why not?" He then pushes her off the porch and onto the dirt.

She quickly gains balance and glares at him. "You're an asshole, Paul!" is all she says before walks angrily down the road barefoot.

"And yet you'll still come back!" He yells at her.

"Fuck you!" she yells flipping him off before continuing on her path.

When she turns off into an opening into the woods he turns to me and his face softens a little. "Sorry about her. Sometimes I think she was raised by wolves." He laughs at his own joke, but quickly stops when he realizes I'm not joining in. "So what are you doing here? Actually, how did you even find me?"

"Ah…a friend of a friend, it really doesn't matter." I stumble on my words a bit, thinking about _how_ I found him. It was boarder line stalking, but necessary. "Can we go inside? I have something I really need to tell you?" I pull my hair behind my ear to distract myself, but it only unnerves me more as my face becomes more exposed."

He just nods his head and ushers me in. He smells like her and I have to walk in quickly to get away from it. When I'm all the way in I see his house is a mess, trash all around, unwashed dishes in the kitchen and clothes all over the place. I see some clothing items that most indefinitely didn't belong to him. They must be Kate's which pretty much confirms what I already knew the moment she answered the door. The scent of her perfume lingers faintly reacting badly with my oversensitive senses. It's not strong enough to make me throw up, but it gives me a headache.

Paul clears his throat bringing my attention back to him. "Sorry, maid didn't come this month." Despite myself I smile at his lame attempt at a joke. I look at him, really look at him this time and realize he's really attractive. My memories did not do him justice. I find myself lusting after him again slightly, but then he moves closer to me bring her scent along with it. "So…you wanted to tell me something?"

He brings me back to my goal. Now I had practiced this in the mirror before I got here, but none of that prepared me for anything. I start to pace once again, not knowing how to start. "Okay, so…well you remember two months ago. At least I hope you do…that's not a good way start, let me start over…Uh…two months ago we…had sex which you already know." I start to hyperventilate, but make myself stop because now is not the time. I stop dead in my tracks and stare at him. A look of confusion has taken over his features as he tries to figure out what I' going on about. "I'm pregnant." I whisper so low that I almost think he missed it, but then the confusion disappears and is replaced with surprise.

After a long silence, "Is it mine?" are the first words out of his mouth and I can't help the irritation that bubbles up in me.

"No, I tracked you down, came _all the way_ from Forks to this middle of the woods cabin _just_ so I could tell you I'm pregnant with another man's child. Sound logical to you?" I say in a clipped tone.

His dumbfounded look quickly shifts to anger. "Hey! Don't get snippy with me! Given the circumstance of how we _met_ it's a _logical_ question. Besides, how are you even sure it's mine? I wrap my shit every time."

"Well I hate to ruin whatever image you had of me, but I was a virgin that night. So how am I sure? Well there was only the one to choose from, so it was either _you_ or _God_. I went with the more plausible one. And you know condoms aren't a hundred percent effective, i.e" I motion down to my abdomen.

"How do I know you're not lying!?" He accuses.

"Because you have so much to offer!" I yell back sarcastically. If I didn't have to I would never _choose_ to talk with him again.

"Don't talk to me like that!" he shouts as charges toward me. He pins me between his arms with the counter that separates the kitchen from the living room behind me. "Apologize." He commands, but I can't listen. The only thing my mind can register is that bile is starting to rise in my stomach. "I said apologize." He commands once more, but I'm trying to move my nose as far away from the smell as possible.

"I suggest you move." My voice is faltering from the nausea, but I'm dead serious. I try to push him away from me, but his hold is solid. "Unless you want me to throw up on you I suggest you move." I try once more, hoping he sees reason this time.

He looks down at me curiously which I don't have time for. I push against him again and shout "MOVE!" This time he lets me go seeing the placement of my hand on my mouth. I go to the closest thing near me which is the sink full of dishes and vomit all over them and it splatters _everywhere_. I wished it'd ended there, but my stomach suddenly decided to empty everything in it once it got a good whiff of the smell emitting from sink. By the time I was done I was completely exhausted.

Paul is standing in the living room as far away from me as possible. I could see his disgusted expression even through my tear blurred eyes. I know I probably should be irritated that he didn't come to help me, but I was thankful. The farther he stayed away from with his perfume stench the better.

"What was that?" He sounds a little astonished, but I can hear the underlying rage beneath. I can't blame him, I just made a mess I can't clean up unless he wants me to make it worse.

Taking a necessary breath I answer him. "Your perfume or Kate's perfume...I don't really care who's perfume just that it stays far far away from me." My voice is raspy from the acid in my throat. All I really want to do is curl up in my bed and sleep, but I know we're far from done here. "Look I'm sorry for the mess, but somethings are out of my control." I almost cry, but I hold my tears in. Paul does not look like some equipped to handle crying women.

"Yeah well somethings are, why don't you just get rid of it?" It's not an unreasonable question, but the way he says it strikes a nerve. _Why don't I get rid of it?_ As though that's the answer to all our problems. It probably is the answer to his, he has the luxury of not living with it twenty four, seven.

"Because I don't want to." I say with conviction.

"Everything can't be about what you want. Trust me; there are far worse things for that kid than never being born." He says arrogantly.

I know he's right, but this baby's not going to experience any of those things if I have any say in it. "The opposite argument is true too. There are better things for this kid than never being born and I'm gonna make sure of that." I tell him not faltering one bit. "Look, I came here just to tell you that I' pregnant and _keeping_ it and you're free to do whatever the hell you want." I say that last part with a bite and walk out of the cabin to my car.

He's right on my heels shouting. "You can't just leave!"

"Oh yeah? Watch me." I open the driver's side door.

"Don't expect me come lookin' for ya! And don't come lookin' for me either because I'm not gonna pay child support or nothing!" He's right in front of me with his nostrils flared.

"Well no one asked you. I just thought you should know that you had a child in the world, probably not your first." I add that last part as an unnecessary insult before getting in the car and driving away.

I can't help the tears the come out of my eyes on my way home. My baby has no father and it's my fault for picking him. My first job as a mother and I already failed. I had sex with the wrong person and now my child is paying for it. But it's better this way. At least it won't know him, get attached and then severely hurt. There will still be pain, but at least it won't as much.

When I get home I rush to my room not even acknowledging my family. I lock my bedroom door, put on my pajamas and cry myself to sleep. I didn't really imagine telling him going well ever, but I definitely didn't image this. That was all I could think of as I drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If you're surprised that Paul's an asshole then you don't know the character all that well. I don't know when my next update will be, but I can tell you that it'll be from Paul's perspective. Until next time...


	6. Paul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul's point of view after Angela drops the bomb on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter is from Paul's point of view, so expect a lot of swear words and vulgarity from this chapter and minor sex scenes. Also, Kate is an OC that has nothing to do with the Denali clan, but you can imagine that's her if you want, she just won't be described as such.

I was pounding into Kate's pussy while she moaned so loud anybody within a ten-mile radius would know she was getting fucked and she was getting fucked well. Like I told her yesterday, she'd be back and like clockwork, she was at my doorstep by noon yelling at me like she was my girlfriend or something. Yelling easily turned into sex and now here we were, fucking in my favorite position with her face shoved down into the sheets with her ass high into the air. She has a great ass, one of the many reasons I hadn't let her go yet. I knew I should stop leading her to believe we might be something more, but she was always down to fuck no matter what I did to her. Whenever I was having a dry spell I could always count on her to come over and suck my dick, didn't matter if I hadn't called her two months, insulted her and her entire family, she'd always come running, I bet I could even hit her and she's still come back like a bitch in heat. Girls like that are hard to find and I wasn't quite ready to let go of it yet.

Her pussy was getting tighter and tighter around my dick and I knew she was gonna cum soon. I could feel my balls clenching too letting me know I should hurry this up. I reach under her and rub her clit and within seconds she's cumming all over my cock. It feels so good I almost follow along with her, but then the girl from yesterday creeps into my mind. I immediately pull out and cum with a startling jolt.

When my mind clears from the fog I find Kate looking back at me with disbelief across her face. In all honesty, I don't know why I pulled out. I was wearing a rubber and I'm pretty sure she's been on birth control since she was thirteen, but it just felt like what I needed to do.

She moves to lie on her side. "Well, that was weird."

"Well, you can never be too careful," I say and she snorts in response.

"Since when do you care about being careful?" she asks incredulously.

"Since always—why do you think I wrap my dick every time we fuck?"

"Because then I wouldn't fuck you." It was my turn to snort.

"If you say so."

"I do _say so_. I don't know everywhere you've been, god knows what kind of skanks you've been stickin' it in. I don't want to catch anything."

"Hey kettle—I'm pot and you're black." She sits up in the bed offended.

"Excuse me, you fuck way more people than I do and at least I remember their names."

"I remember names. I just don't find a need for them."

"Really? Then what's the name of the girl who came over yesterday?" She crosses her arms over her chest.

I search my mind for it and nothing comes up. I think it started with an A, but I can't really be sure. Kate starts to look impatient and I know if I don't say something quick she'll think she's won so I blurt out, "Annie," before she can call me out on it. I mean how the fuck would she know her name, she's from Forks.

"Wrong," she says condescendingly.

"How would you know?"

"Because I've seen her before outside the church—she's Reverend Weber's daughter."

"And what were you doing anywhere near a church? I'm surprised you didn't get smited," I say chuckling.

"Haha and no. My mom was on this religious kick, let me tell ya, first and last time ever going to church. The women looked at us so judgmental and shit, like they were so much better than us and the reverend's wife tried to get me baptized and when I said no, she went all holier than thou on me and was stuck listening to her spiel about god for ten minutes until her kids interrupted us. My mom and I both had had it by then end of that afternoon and we never came back again."

"Sounds terrible." I honestly didn't know what else to say or really care, but I knew if I stayed silent she'd yell at me for not listening and I didn't feel like dealing with that shit until necessary. "But that still doesn't explain why you know her name."

"Well, she was my saving grace, so to speak. When she came over with her rowdy little brothers and I overheard her name and the twins names before I got the fuck out of there."

"Fine if you're so sure Annie's not her name then what is it?" I don't know why I really cared—it's not like I'm going to see her again.

"Nope, you're going to have to figure that one out for yourself lover boy. I'm not helping you get in her pants." She rolls over on her side her head propped up by her elbow.

"How do you know I haven't already been in them?"

"Because I know girls like her—especially the goody two shoes kind—and they don't put out, least of all for guys like you." I could see she was trying to get under my skin, but little did she know.

"Wrong. I fucked her a couple of months ago." I look at her with a smug smile.

She looked at me with disbelieving eyes. "I call bullshit. There's no way you fucked the Reverend's daughter."

I got down in her face as I spoke. "Believe what you want baby, but pretty soon you'll be able to see that I fucked her."

Kate drew her eyebrows in confusion and then recognition drew in and she looked annoyed. She slapped me across the shoulder. "That's not funny Paul."

"It wasn't supposed to be," I say with no trace of humor in my voice.

"So you're telling me you knocked up the pastor's daughter. Out of all the slut's you fuck, _she's_ the one that gets pregnant. I call bullshit again."

"Well, I guess you'll have to wait a few months and see."

"I guess I will."

I move away from her and pull on my boxers. I grab the only articles of clothing that are hers and throw them at her. "Get out of my house."

She huffs in outrage. "What, no round two?"

"No, now get dressed and get out." Her eyes narrow in my direction.

"What if I refuse?"

"Then I _make_ you get out and you can walk home naked." She knows I'll do it.

"Ass," she says as she angrily gets up and put on her clothes. "Fuck you," is all she says as she slams my front door.

I plop down on the couch and flip the TV on, nothing but soaps are on—product of not being able to afford cable—but you make do with what you have, plus they actually not that bad once you get over the overacting and ridiculous plot. Like right now they were the middle of some kind of reveal; apparently, he was not the father, his brother was. It's pretty much like Jerry Springer with dramatic background music.

I laugh when they pan over to his face—he's got the fakest crying sad face I've seen—come on I've got better range them him. I laugh into the next commercials and then decide to turn that shit off because it brings up my own sting of rejection. I'm not really in the mood to invest in fictional people's problems when I've got ones of my own.

I know what I said to her was cruel, but I needed to make sure she didn't come back. I don't want a kid nor am I capable of taking care of one. She has to of been off her meds if she thought coming to me would do any good. But that's not what's got me questioning myself. I mean I should hate her, not only did she come to my home and drop a bomb on me without any warning, she forced me to actually clean—somewhat, I mostly just threw out the dishes with puke on them and ran the garbage disposal for the rest. I could still smell a tinge of vomit and it made it hard to forget her.

She said she didn't want anything from me—she rejected me without really even knowing anything about me and cut me off from my kid in the process—a kid I don't want, but that's not the point. I've been rejected plenty of times by plenty of women, but I always come back unscathed. So why does her rejecting me actually sting a little? I can feel my anger boiling over from this train of thought, so I grab my jacket and drive over to Sam and Leah's.

They live off a dirt road not too far from First Beach. It used to be just Sam's, but once Leah graduated she immediately moved in. They're getting married in the summer. I used to come over all the time when it was just Sam—it was my home away from home—a place I could stay when my house got too quiet for me, but now that Leah's there 24/7 and I have to witness their nauseatingly happy life I'm more distant. It's not that I don't like seeing Sam happy and it's not like I hate Leah—in fact, she's one of the coolest chicks I know—it's just that I don't like being reminded of what I will never have. It looks great and I wish I could have it sometimes, but I'm not built for it—I'm not built for that kind of love and I'm fine with that, I just don't like being reminded of my downfalls every second, I'm with them.

I pull up in their driveway and walk in the front door. Leah greets me with a smile from the kitchen. "Long time, no see and just in time for lunch. It's almost as if you planned it that way." She gives me a side-eyed look before she continues slicing the tomatoes.

"As much as I'd love that to be true, I actually just came to visit." I move to grab a chip from the bowl on the counter and she swats my hand away. "Hey!"

"Don't hey me, those are for me and Sam. Get your own chips from the cupboard." She says in a playful yet stern tone.

I go to the cupboard and grab the chips and eat them straight from the bag. Leah narrows her eyes at me, but I still continue eating. "So where's Sam? It's Sunday, I thought he had weekends off?"

She rolls her eyes at me and turns back to making the two sandwiches. I get a nice view of her ass in her yoga pants. "He does—they just needed him for a little bit of over time—he should be home any minute now." Just then we hear his truck pull into the driveway.

Moments later he walks in through the front with a toolbox in hand and a smile directed at Leah. He doesn't waste a moment getting to her and pulling her into a passionate kiss. I can't help but pull a disgusted face. As much as I love that they're happy, doesn't mean I want to be included in their intimate moments. He finally stops trying to maul her face and looks past her to me. "Hey Paul, I haven't seen you in a while."

"Been busy," I say before stuffing my face full of more chips.

He let's go of Leah and she finishes her task at hand. He walks up to me and yanks the chip bag out of my hands. "Get a paper towel." I roll my eyes at him, but do so anyways—I'm not here to start a fight, I just need my mind off of shit.

Once Sam has settled and Leah has finished preparing lunch for _all_ of us we settle in the living room eating the sandwiches she made. Leah is the first to break the silence. "So, what's new with you? Still an asshole?" she bites into her sandwich smirking.

I just smile right back at her. "Nothing and _always_."

"Hmm. So what do we owe this visit to?" Sam chimes in.

"I can't just come visit my best friend—you just assume that I want something." I slightly outraged.

"Of course you can, it's just you don't—at least not lately," Sam says that last part a bit quiet.

"Well, I am." I stuff my mouth full of food. "Things just got boring at the cabin."

Leah snorts. "What? You could find some girl to _entertain_ you?"

"Already did. We finished about an hour before I came here. I'd give ya details, but I know how much you hate it when I do." She glares at my gleaming smile.

"You're disgusting."

"You're a prude."

"Just because I don't like hearing about _your_ sex life doesn't mean I'm a prude."

"Well, what is it about _my_ sex life that disgusts you." That was all Leah needed to go off on her usual tirade about my life.

"Do you really need to ask me that? You've fucked god knows how many women—most probably carrying diseases—and don't even call any of these girls back. You're a player of the worst kind. I mean I'm pretty sure you deflowered a girl a couple of months ago. I'm sure that's an experience she was ready to forget."

_Huh, how the hell does she know that?_

"I just do." _I guess I said that out loud_. "That girl looked as innocent as they come and I'm pretty sure you ruined her—just like you did Emily." She speaks to me with such disdain over a girl she doesn't even know. This—this is why I don't come here often. She used to be fine with it, minus a few snide remarks here and there, but now she was always up my ass about it. I mean I get why—I shouldn't have screwed her cousin—but can't she just let it go, Emily has.

"First off: Emily's a big girl and I definitely didn't _deflower_ her. Secondly: what's it to if I did or didn't _deflower_ some girl? You don't even know her. And lastly: stop being a bitch about it and mind your own business. Shit happens, people deal with it and move on—you can't change the past. It's not your job—or anybody's—to keep me in line, so you can stop with the attitude now." She was furious. She got up from her place on the couch and almost lunged at me, but Sam caught her.

"Leah I think you need to calm down—and Paul? OUTSIDE!" his voice boomed with authority. I got up with my plate and went out the back door. I sat on the porch steps and ate in stoic silence. I could hear some of their argument through the door.

"Why do you always stand up for him?" Leah shouts.

"Because he's my best friend, Leah," Sam shouts back at her.

"So? Does that just give him a free pass to be a dick?"

"No, but that doesn't mean I just write him off especially when I know what he's been through."

"See there you go again."

"Leah, I'm not trying to justify his behavior. I just want you to understand that he has a place in my life, it's permanent. You don't see me asking you to drop Emily especially after that shit she tried to pull." He speaks a bit softer and I almost don't hear him.

"I get that—it's just—I feel like I'm betraying her and _all women kind_ when I just watch what he does with no regard for others feelings. I feel like a hypocrite." She starts to whine a bit.

"Well you're not betraying anyone and plus—most of these women know what they're getting into when they're with him. They play their part in it too."

"Really? You think that girl a couple months ago at the bonfire knew what she was getting into."

"To an extent—yes. She may have been more naïve that his usual flavor of the week, but it's not like he forced her to do anything."

Listening to them talk about me like that—about her like that—makes me a little angrier than usual. They don't know shit about me and here they are judging. I'm about to get up and leave when Sam stops me. "Hey!"

"What?" I snap back at him.

"You were out of line in there." He scolds me like I'm a fucking child.

"Yeah, well so was she, so I guess we're even."

"Two wrongs don't make a right and you need to check how you speak to my fiancé." I can hear the anger in his voice, he's always protective when it comes to Leah.

"Well, it's not like she can't take it. She gives as good as she gets—she doesn't need you to play savior for her."

"Doesn't mean I won't."

"Of course, Sam. Are we done here because I was thinking I would just head back home."

"No, we aren't done here. Why'd you come over and don't say because you were bored. I can tell when you have something on your mind."

"Don't worry about it—I'll figure it out on my own." I start walking around the front to my car.

"I'll be here when you're ready to talk," he shouts as I walk away.

"I know," I say quietly to myself before I get in my car and drive aimlessly around La Push.

* * *

A few days pass and I haven't seen Kate or really any girl for that matter. Every time I go in for the kill, say the parting line that'll make the panties drop—her angry little face pops into my head and I stop myself from going any further. I don't get it, she doesn't matter, her kid doesn't matter and yet she keeps leaking into my life.

It's making me antsy and not just because I haven't fucked anyone in a few days—just something felt off. I was trying to forget her and I was trying to forget her predicament, but every time I tried I remembered her and got angry. Who was she to judge me? To decided I wasn't good enough for my own child? _No one asked you._ What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Why come to my door if she didn't want something from me? Why do I want her to want something from me? It's not like I have anything to offer.

Apparently, while I was torturing myself with unanswerable questions I didn't hear my dad pull up in the driveway. He startles me when he busts through the front door.

He's got his hand over his eyes and shouts, "I'M HOME!" in his deep octave voice. I roll my eyes because I know exactly why he's being so loud.

"I'm right here and _alone,_ " I say irritated.

"Oh good, come help me unload the truck," he demands.

I groan in annoyance as I get up off the couch and help him get whatever he _borrowed_ from his latest job. He had a habit of taking things that weren't his, but luckily most of it wasn't missed. It was usually stupid little things from the main office like clipboards and pens that we have no use for, but one time he took a whole computer and almost got fired. I don't know how, but he figured out a way to take it back and not be implicated so apparently he wasn't as stupid as he looked. This time he just brought back some scrap wood some of which would need to be chopped into smaller pieces to fit in the fireplace—the only use it has—but I'm not too worried about it since it's the middle of May. They probably actually gave him this since he's a logger.

Once the truck bed is empty and we've thrown the wood with the others underneath a tarp I head to my room to get dressed. I don't know where I plan on going I just know I don't feel like staying here with my dad besides, it's not like my presence will add anything—he's probably just going to shower and hit the hay, but I'm leaving in case decides to have one of his impromptu talks that I am definitely not in the mood for.

Once I'm dressed I search my room for my keys. I have a designated spot for them, but it's useless when you don't remember to use it. I eventually do find my keys in the middle of my bed blankets and I leave my room.

Just like I thought—he's in the shower and will probably hit the hay after. I slip out if the cabin without any notice. Living with him is a lot like living with a roommate just one you're related to. I get in my car and once again I'm aimlessly driving until I find myself at the Rivers Edge, a local restaurant. Coffee couldn't hurt.

I walk in and walk right past the hostess and seat myself in a booth. I'm not sitting down long before a waitress is sitting a cup of coffee in front of me when I look up to thank the waitress I see that it's Leah. I didn't know she'd be working today. "Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes."

She rolls her eyes at me, "Ha ha, the fifties called, they want their pick up line back."

"Well too bad, it's mine now."

"Ugh, is there anything else I can get you?" Leah says exasperatedly.

"That depends, whatcha offering?" I eyes her up and down.

"Food jackass and, no, you can't eat it off me."

"A man can dream." I wink at her.

"I'm going now." Leah walks off but not before I get a nice look at her ass. She may be a bitch but she was still hot.

I turn to the drink in front of me and pick it up taking a big gulp. I wouldn't be surprised if Leah mixed her spit in it, but I didn't care—worse has definitely been in my mouth. I take in my surroundings and try to focus on the other customers before my mind starts wandering again. It's not very busy at all which isn't surprising on a weekday at 8:00 pm. There's the usual's that sit at the counter a few new faces, but mostly everyone here was familiar. It was kind of quiet which didn't bode well for me—there wasn't enough distraction to keep me from thinking of her.

I didn't get it—she wasn't all that great in the sack, definitely not the worst, but I'd had better. She was very inexperienced and it showed in the way she let me take over but, again, I wasn't complaining it. She also wasn't the first to come to with a pregnancy scare except most came to me before they took the test and it always came up negative. She was the first girl to come to me well after the fact and with no reason to lie.

The bell from the front entrance opening distracts me. I look over to see who just walked into the diner and it's unsurprisingly Sam. Before they were engaged he'd always make sure to come by and see her at least once on the nights she was working. I guess nothing's changed even though now they see each other when she gets home. He looks around the building obviously searching for Leah, but he spots me first. He gives me a small smile and waves at me before roving his eyes over until he finds Leah walking out from the kitchen. He walks to her immediately and it's not long before she announces her break and their mauling each other's faces.

I try not to look disgusted especially since I've done far worse with a bigger audience, but I could do without the dopey looks on their faces. I get back to my coffee and finish it in one giant gulp. I flag down a waiter and ask him to refill. I wish I could drink something stronger but my fake ID got confiscated a few weeks back by this cashier that recognized me. Coffee is just going to have to do for now. I'm mid gulp when Sam comes to sit across from me.

"Hey, stranger." I resist the urge to give him the finger.

"What?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. Last time we talked you didn't seem to be in the right head space."

"Am I ever in the right head space?" I'm well aware I'm not the most mentally sound.

"Depends on the definition, but you just seemed off from your usual self."

"Well, I'm still _off_ and still don't want to talk about it."

"Well tough." He stares me down with this intense stern look. I can't help but think _he_ should be the one with a kid on the way. He'd definitely be a lot better at it.

"You know I have a dad for this shit—you don't need to play the concerned parent every time you think something's wrong with me."

Sam snorts, he knows what my dad is like and as sad as it sounds I'm definitely the adult in that relationship. I'm the one that makes sure the bills get paid, things are still functioning relatively well around the house and that he doesn't do anything too stupid to get fired. Granted I do most of that because I'm the only one home the majority of the time, but still, if I left he wouldn't survive for very long. "I'll stop when I see it."

I refrain from punching him in the face. He may be right, but that still doesn't give him the right to talk about him that way. That right belongs only to me. "What's your obsession with this Uley? Leah not keeping you entertained enough?"

It was now his turn to refrain from punching. I just smirked in response to his glare. "I'm gonna let that slide. Now talk."

"No." I take a sip of my coffee.

"I promise to buy you a pony," he says sarcastically.

"Will it shoot rainbows out of its ass?" I give him a big fake smile, teeth and all.

"Only if you use your imagination" See like I said—he should be having the kid.

"Too bad, I lost that years ago—I'm gonna need the real thing."

"Well, I guess your shit out of luck."

"Story of my life."

We both laugh at that. I let out an extended sigh and concede to telling him—not everything, but something to get him off my back. "It's this girl—I can't get her off my mind."

His eyes brows pinch together in confusion. "A girl, seriously, I've never known one to keep your attention for an hour let alone for almost a whole week."

"Well it's not really the girl, it's…something she has of mine." Not the best way to put it but I couldn't really come up with anything better on the spot.

"Well then get it back."

"Yeah, not that simple—I can't exactly get it back because it's technically _ours_."

"Well then let it go."

"I'm trying! But every time I try to forget her and the _thing_ she has, it comes creeping right back into my brain and I can't think or do anything else."

Sam looks at me even more confused, "I have a feeling we're not talking about an object."

"Umm, no."

"Then what are you talking about?"

"I can't say it out loud."

"Come on it can't be that bad?"

"Yes it can be—it affects my whole life."

Sam's eyes widen as he tries to decipher what I'm saying. "Okay Paul, I'm going to need you to stop beating around the bush and just blurt it out because I'm not following." He says every word slowly like I'm retarded or something. It nearly gets on my nerve but I understand where he's coming from—I haven't made much sense this entire conversation.

"Alright I…may or may not have…knocked somebody up." I have trouble getting the words out and say them almost too quietly, but by the wide-eyed look on his face, I can tell he understands me now.

He rubs hand down his face and lets out an exasperated sigh. "Are you sure it's yours?"

I was taken aback a little. Given my track record, I thought he would immediately blame me. "Umm…yeah—the chick has no reason to lie, at least about it being mine. If I were I'd have tried to pin it on someone else."

"But she didn't. She came to you and you blew her off." His eyes were stern again.

"What makes you think I blew her off?"

"If you hadn't we wouldn't be having this conversation," he tells me in a low tone.

"Fine, I blew her off, but she kinda blew me off too."

Sam raises his eyebrow. "How did she blow _you_ off?"

"Well, not in so many words just more of a lack thereof. She basically told me and left—didn't ask for money, didn't ask me to be in the kid's life, nothing, she just left."

"Well did you give her a chance to ask you any of that or did you react in typical Paul fashion and let your anger take over before she could get a word in?"

I try to calm the rage inside of me, but it doesn't stop my nostrils from flaring. "Look I didn't ask her to come over drop a bomb on me insulting me in the process and make a mess of my kitchen. It still smells like puke." I'm nearly shouting.

Sam smacks me across the back of my head. "What's wrong with you? I'm pretty sure she didn't ask to get knocked up by an asshole and insulted by him either— _shit_ _happens and you deal with it_. You don't just yell our way through problems—it doesn't solve anything, it just makes them worse."

"Thanks Sam, but no one asked you," I say beyond frustrated with this conversation. I'm about to get up when he grabs my arm and looks me in the eye.

"You need to fix whatever you broke because if you don't I know you'll regret it." He lets me go. I pull a few bills out of my pocket and put them on the table before I leave.

* * *

I'm lying in my bed awake after midnight and can't sleep. Sam's words are keeping me up. I understand where he's coming from—his dad left when he was young, so to have one of his friends willingly do the same thing was obviously going to get under his skin—but I have a dad and him simply being around hasn't really been much use. What use would I be to this kids life—I'm not patient enough to deal with any kids crying, I barely make minimum wage at my job at the garage, and I wouldn't exactly call myself the most loving, but it's still my kid. It's my kid that'll be less than fifteen minutes away and I didn't even bother with. As if I didn't already feel crappy enough about myself, now I'm going to have to add deadbeat dad to the list.

God, I wish my brain would just turn off! This is shit way beyond my pay grade. I should be out fucking some chick right now, not in my room thinking too much listening to my old man snoring in the next room. I grab my pillow and put it over my head. Maybe I can smother the thought out of my head.

When that goes nowhere I remove the pillow and flip the blankets off of me. I pull on a pair of sweat pants and a shirt and leave my room. I slip my shoes on and walk out the front door. I'm going for a walk—I don't know where I'm going, but it's better than sitting alone in my room.

I take in the fresh air, it's a little musty from the rain earlier but clears my head. I walk aimlessly for twenty minutes until I reach a house I recognize. It's Kate's—I don't know what drew me here, but I decide to tap on her bedroom window. When she doesn't answer I tap on t harder. She finally comes to the window groggy and irritated.

"Paul!" she whispers harshly. "What the fuck are you doing here? It's the middle of the fucking night."

"I was in the neighborhood." I think this is the only time I've ever used that phrase and it was true.

She rolls her eyes at me, "And thought, _hey there's an easy lay_ , seriously Paul even I have my limits." She motions to shut the window.

"Hey, what if I just wanted to talk?"

"Then you wouldn't have come to me—we don't talk, _ever._ We fight and we fuck. That's all we do—that's all we'll ever do because that's all you're capable of. Now if you'll excuse me I was in the middle of some of the best dream sex of my life and I'd like to get back to it."

She doesn't give me anytime to answer before she shuts the window in my face. I stand there for a moment taking her words in. She's right—that's all I'm really capable of, but I'd like to be capable of more.

I move away from her window and continue my aimless walk. I'm not surprised when then next place I end up is Sam's. I don't even knock I just let myself in with the spare key they keep on the top of the door frame. I'm not careful when I shut the door behind me and the noise from the door closing causes Sam and Leah to wake up.

They find me sitting at their dining room table. The look a little bewildered to see me but once Sam recognizes me his expression changes from confused to knowing. He whispers something in Leah's ear and she walks back to their room. He walks to the coffee make and presses the start button then just like earlier he comes and sits across from me. "Any particular reason you're at my house at two o'clock in the morning?"

"I was in the neighborhood and thought I would stop by," I say sarcastically though it's partially true.

"Yeah but most people wait decent hours to _stop by._ " He stares me down knowing I'll break—it's too damn late for me to avoid why I'm here.

"You said I'd regret it…if I wasn't around, but what if—" I heave out a sigh. "What if I regret it more if I am? I don't want my kid to grow up like me—with a parent that doesn't want you, but sticks around just because it's what they're supposed to do and one that doesn't even bother. I have nothing good to offer him." I avoid eye contact afraid of what he'll see when he looks at me.

"That right there guarantees you won't. You've already put more thought into how your kid will be raised than either of your parents ever did with you. You might not know everything or be perfect at it, but you're definitely enough. You'll make sure your kid is loved."

I give him a disbelieving look. "What makes you think that? I'm not capable of many emotions least of all love."

"Who told you that?"

"Everyone!" My outburst causes me to stand up. "Kate, Leah, _you,_ everyone expects me to fuck up and not once have I disappointed."

"Well then prove us wrong. I know you can—you fuck up because we expect you to, not because you have some inherent inability to do right. You think _'they're going to blame me anyways so might as well do it'_ and it gets you nowhere. You're very capable of love, if you weren't we wouldn't be friends, so stop tearing yourself down. Stop letting other people define you. What do you think you're capable of? What do you think you can do? Better yet, what do you want to do?"

"I _want_ to go back in time and make sure this whole thing never happens. But other than that I don't know. I never really had to think about it."

"Well then just take baby steps. Do you want to never see your kid? Never know how they turn out?"

I think about and this time I truly think about it. I envision the baby—it's a boy and it's smiling up at me and then he's a little older and I'm teaching him how to ride a bike and then I imagine the rest of his life right up to him graduating college—and then I think about not being there, missing all of it and it causes this weird ache in my stomach. "No," I say shaking my head. "No, I don't want to never see my son."

"Then fix it." The coffee machine beeps and he gets up to get us both some coffee. We drink in silence before he goes back to bed and I crash on his couch.

* * *

Because I'm a chicken shit it takes me two full days before I decide to go talk to her. Turns out she's very easy to find, I found her address in the phonebook. It's Saturday so I don't know if she had any plans today, but it's a gamble I'm willing to make.

I walk up to the door of a very nice two story white house with light blue trimmings. She seriously doesn't need my help if she's been shacking up in a place like this. I almost abort my whole mission, but then I remind myself that that's not why I'm here. I'm here because I _want_ to be not because I need to.

I timidly knock on her door—I don't think I've ever been this shy, but hey—there's a first time for everything. A very agitated stout man with dark brown hair answers the door.

"Can I help you?" He all but yells at me. I've never really been popular with girl's dads, but it usually takes at least a minute before they let their distaste for me known.

"Umm, yes, is your daughter home?"

"Yes," he says shortly.

"Can I speak with her?" I say unsure.

"No."

"Shouldn't she tell me that herself," I say frustrated with his attitude. If it were different circumstances I might have decked the guy already.

"Well she's grounded at the moment, but I can tell her you stopped by…" He leaves that last part open ended.

"Paul," I say quickly.

His eyes narrow at me the moment he hears my name. "Paul?" His chest puffs in anger. "That wouldn't _happen_ to be the same _Paul_ that got my daughter pregnant," he growls at me.

"Fuck!" is all I can get out before he lunges at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the cliff hanger, but it's necessary for next chapter. So I know it's been months and I am truly sorry. I have no real excuse I just put this on the back burner for a bit. Now I don't know when I will be getting back to this—hopefully soon, but don't hold your breath.


End file.
